Wednesday, March 31, 2010
As we begin another year without her here, I am not expecting to feel any differently than in the past year. I had hoped there was some magic date or timeframe in which the pain would ease, but have come to realize that those are unreal expectations.
**Hopefully I will feel like sharing more about that day soon.**
Monday, March 29, 2010
I am going share a few more bits and pieces of that day, but not the detail I still relive far too often.
*I thought somehow that if I pulled the steering wheel hard enough I could avoid a collision or maybe just clip mirrors or something minor like that. I never imagined the extent of what was about to happen.
*I pulled and pulled on Mady's door, trying to get it to open. She was screaming hysterically. I finally slid my driver seat all the way forward, leaning it up to give her enough room to climb out.
*My first response as I reached Abby was to unbuckle her and pull her out so I could hold her and tell her it was going to be okay. I had to fight this impulse as I just supported her head, applied pressure to the gash in her forehead, and wiped the blood that kept coming. I yelled to the other driver as I stood there with my little girl, but there was no response.
*I had not even felt my injuries until in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. It was then that I could feel pain, but I was concentrating on Mady who was riding with me. She was still sobbing uncontrollably and grabbing her stomach.
*The thought never entered my mind that Abby would not make it (until later in the day). In fact, I had just the opposite thought at the time. I knew that she was my strong girl and if one of my girls had to be hurt, I knew she would be the one to pull through. Even after I received a phone call from the trauma nurse at CMH after she arrived there telling me she was very critical, I still did not let that thought creep in. At the time I had been admitted in the OB ward for monitoring and was doing my best to stay in the hospital as long as I could. After a second phone call from Marc telling me Abby was going in for surgery for a depressed skull, I decided I was needed there, by my little girl's side. It wasn't until in route to the hospital that I began to feel a strange feeling and for the first time, I realized how badly injured she was. A phone call came saying they were having trouble stopping the bleeding.... We knew we needed to get there NOW.
Those horrible thoughts were confirmed as a chaplain met us at the front entrance of the hospital with a wheelchair for me. He hurried me on ahead, telling me she was out of surgery and explaining to me what I would see ~ swelling from the injury, a raised bump on the right side of her forehead where they connected the skull back together, stitches on the big gash on her forehead, drainage tubes from her brain, a ventilator, ... The list went on as he tried to prepare me for the sight that would not look like my little girl I saw a few hours ago. Somewhere in the midst of this list, I reached back, touched his hand and said, "I know." I'm not sure that he knew what I was saying, but somehow I knew our Abby was gone before we ever got to the room.
That's all I can share for now ~ enough tears for awhile.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Some of the information we were given on Saturday was about sibling grief. There were some things listed that I had not given much thought to, but make so much sense now. It even says that sometimes people forget the importance of siblings in our lives. Here are some of the characteristics of our sibling bond and why losing them is hard.
~ It's the longest relationship we'll have in our lives. Siblings are typically only a few years apart in age, meaning we know them longer than our parents, spouses, and children.
~We witness more life events and life changes with our siblings than anyone else.
~They teach us how to function in society and communicate with others.
~ We share a sense of family, belonging and culture.
~ The time spent together in our early years is greater than with our parents.
Unfortunately, feelings of sadness were stirred up in Mady that day and she was quiet and reserved on the way home. She also found one of Abby's toys and clung to it that afternoon at home. They little bunny also slept with her that night.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
The journaling reads, "Mady's third grade class made shamrocks to hang in their classroom. On them they wrote their 3 wishes. It brought tears from me to see her wish. 3/2009"
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
This Angel in the morning sky.
Face so beautifully soft and radiant;
Not a trace of pain.
Only peace and love showing through.
Wings outstretched; inviting.
Eager to embrace.
This Angel in the sky; free.
Frolicking happily amongst wispy clouds and rainbows.
Reuniting with family and friends of days gone by,
Along the way.
This Angel in the sky;
Forever guiding our footprints;
Forever holding our hands;
Forever brushing away the tears of sadness from our eyes,
And kissing our lips with love.
This Angel in the sky;
Forever having a sacred place of honor;
In the hearts and minds of those who love them, on earth.
This Angel in the sky, forever a blessing.
Never to be forgotten.