tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-58750928821961636462023-11-16T05:30:08.549-06:00Abrielle Neff FoundationThrough this blog, I hope to keep everyone informed about the happenings of the Foundation while sharing events in our lives about Abby, so that others may know our Princess.Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.comBlogger606125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-21002864418335541272015-01-22T19:44:00.003-06:002015-01-22T19:44:47.870-06:00Memorial Service 2014<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We attended the Celebration of Life Memorial Service for those children lost at Children's Mercy on September 28th. This year brought extra tears as the memorial quilt with Abrielle's square was being retired after 5 years of being on display. </div>
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We always start with writing messages for Abby and pinning them on the tree.</div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">In the rising of the sun and in its going down, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">In the blowing of the wind and in the chill of winter, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">In the opening of the buds and in the rebirth of spring, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">In the blueness of the sky and in the warmth of summer, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">In the rustling of the leaves and in the beauty of autumn, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">In the beginning of the year and when it ends, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">When we are weary and in need of strength, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">When we are lost and sick at heart, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">When we have joys we yearn to share, we remember them.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: blue;">So long as we live, they too shall live, for they are a part of us, as we remember them.</span></em></div>
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Unfortunately, this is the only way I can take a picture of all my girls together.<br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>As you release this butterfly</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>in honor of ME</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Know that I am with You</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>and will</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>Always Be</em></span></div>
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Aunt Beth joined us this year.</div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">A butterfly lights beside</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">us like a sunbeam</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">And for a brief moment</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">its glory and beauty</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">belong to our world</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">But then it flies again</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">And though we wish</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">it could have stayed...</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">We feel lucky to have seen it.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: magenta;">Author Unknown</span></em></div>
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<br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-61141168963418149352014-03-30T10:27:00.000-05:002014-03-30T10:27:22.607-05:00Seven years<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How can it be? Seven years without my little girl... I honestly cannot believe it. It does not seem like it was that long that I was holding her in my arms. My memories with her are so vivid - holding her, rocking, snuggling. Unfortunately so are the memories from the day our lives changed - the sights, sounds, smells. I doubt that they will ever fade. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Time does not change much. I still miss the sound of her voice every day. I miss her hugs and kisses. I miss tucking her in at night. I shed tears the same today seven years later. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was hoping that I could function this year, but it didn't happen. Tears flowed freely as memories overwhelmed me. The hole in my heart will always remain. Time will never be able fill it. </span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-90091292466108601372013-10-01T18:51:00.002-05:002013-10-01T18:52:24.673-05:00Memorial Service 2013<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>In their name</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>Who are gone</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>These young hearts</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>These flawless souls</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>In their name</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>Let our lives grow</em></span></div>
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<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><em>~Sascha Wagner</em></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We attended the Celebration of Life Memorial Service on September 15th in memory of Abrielle and other children who passed at Children's Mercy. The girls enjoy how they can be included in the ceremony and that they get to remember their sister too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">They made leaves for the memorial tree.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Litany of Remembrance</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As we gather, let us lift our voices!</span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">Our voices speak the names of our beloved children, who have touched our lives and our hearts.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial;">Remembering their names together we lift our voices in grief,</span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">For we share the common bond ~ the experience of loving a child who has died.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial;">Our voices cry out with a strange mixture of tears and laughter,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><span style="color: red;">For we have experienced the tension between joy and sorrow, deep love and suffering</span><span style="color: red;">.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial;">As we remember our children, we give voice to both grief and hope,</span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">For even as we grieve, we are transformed by the power of love.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial;">Our voices utter prayers for comfort and peace.</span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">Prayers that weave the names and memories of our children into the fiber of our being and fill us with the courage to face each new day open to the mysteries of life.</span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial;">In one voice,</span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: Arial;">We give thanks for our children.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">(written by Rev. Claudia Ricks Hubbard)</span><br />
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<em><span style="color: purple;">Like the Butterfly</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;"></span></em> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">It fluttered there above my head,</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">weightless in the soft breeze.</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">I reached up my hand,</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">it lit upon my finger.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: purple;"></span></em> </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">Waving glistening wings together</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">it looked at me for timeless moments.</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">I smiled, reaching deep and</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: purple;">finding all those cherished memories.</span></em></div>
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<em><span style="color: purple;"></span></em> </div>
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<em><span style="color: purple;">As it flitted off through the sunlit morning,</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">I knew we had said hello once more.</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<em><span style="color: purple;">~ Leslie Langford</span></em> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We also each receive a small heart shaped stone with an impression of a butterfly in it and a magnet.</span><br />
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-86854941153360757242013-08-10T22:00:00.000-05:002013-08-10T22:00:09.647-05:00A Summer of Missing Her<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Summer is all but over with school starting next week and I have missed my Abby all summer. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">She would have turned ten years old on June 9th and it was a day of tears for me. Ten years old. Ten. But she will forever be almost four. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Then I had my sweet Elly with her innocent comments. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Mommy I wish Abby didn't die so I would have someone to play with. Mady doesn't like to play with me very much." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Mommy how bout you have another baby and we can name it Abby so we will have an Abby again." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">"Mommy why did Abby have to die? You didn't get died and neither did Sissy. I wanted another sister."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am sure you also noticed that we did not have the Celebration this year. We were sad to make this decision, but are hoping to be back next year with the family fun. Not having this in no way means we are not continuing with the Foundation. Abby's Hugs is going strong! So continue to think of us for your donations. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-6918144814649035782013-05-31T22:17:00.000-05:002013-05-31T22:17:26.775-05:00Progress Finally<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">As many of you know, this has lived in my dining room for 6 years ~</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">~three boxes of newspapers, bills, and correspondence. I know I have mentioned in a post before my struggle to deal with these items multiple times, but I had not been able to handle the emotions. I have started and stopped, moved the boxes around, and whatever else to avoid the project altogether. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For some reason yesterday I decided it was time. Time to empty them out. Time to clean out the clutter so it was no longer looming in the dining room every time I walked through. I am not sure I realized what I was getting myself into though. I jumped in with the box of newspapers, cutting out the whole page where any article (about the Foundation, court proceedings, organ donation, or the accident) was. I did pretty good for quite a while since most of the recent papers were about Foundation happenings. Unfortunately the further down I got, the harder it became. I had to force myself just to find what pertained to my search and not read or look at the pictures. The one that really caught me off guard was a short column that had Abrielle Lauryn Neff in bold letters centered above more writing underneath. I thought, "Oh, wow. Abby's birth announcement. Why do I have that in here?" That's when the tears started flowing heavily. It was under the heading of Services Held. I took a deep breath noticing the bottom of the box was in sight and tried to trudge on. I cried through finding her obituary, drawings and letters from her friends and cousins, pictures of her smiling face, but then I saw a picture of the accident scene. I left the pile on the floor and walked away. I did not sleep well last night knowing what was on my agenda for today. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was so grateful when my Mom called to see what I was doing. As you know I don't ask for help, but she knew I needed it and came out. I am pleased to say that we were able to make huge headway. While the job is not totally finished, the box is empty, the file box filled with documents we have to keep for a few more years is tucked away, and the picnic basket is almost empty. We clipped articles, sprayed them with preservation spray, and put them into binders for us to keep until it became too much for me. Then Mom piled them up and said she was taking them home to do. I love her! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Just clearing that much out has felt like a weight lifted. It was almost like Abby was prodding me along these last two days saying, "OK Mommy. It's time to get this stuff done." Granted I will still have to put them in order and a few other things that I am sure will bring more tears, but the boxes of newspapers are gone!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">On another note, I wanted to share the sentiment I sent home with the preschoolers this year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Every year we give the Preschool
class </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">a small st</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">uffed animal from the
Abrielle<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"></span></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Neff
Foundation as a gift and a way of</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">saying “Thank you” to the kids
for the <span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">things they have done to help us
<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">(planting Abby’s Garden at the
school<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">and bringing donations).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year I have<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">had the special treat of working
with your<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">child and have enjoyed it
immensely.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Their love, joy, and childhood
innocence<span style="mso-tab-count: 2;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">have helped fill a void in my
life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I <span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>must say “Thank you.” also.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thank you<span style="mso-tab-count: 3;"> </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 6pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">for sharing your child with me. <span style="mso-tab-count: 4;"> </span></span></div>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-65088106085257759652013-05-02T20:09:00.000-05:002013-05-02T20:09:02.213-05:00Shared Words<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was shared on an internet site I am a part of and I had to share it here because I found it to be so true.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand </span><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can never take them off. </span></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No woman deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything. They have made me who I am.. I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.</span></span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-32128044869846168602013-03-28T21:24:00.000-05:002013-03-28T21:26:03.787-05:00A Hard Day<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">When does it get easier? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I so wish I had the answer to that question I am always asking myself. I still have times when the grief floods with me with tears. Today has been one of them. Actually, this whole week has been draining. Somehow, whether I am looking at the calendar or not, I know what day is approaching. The sleepless nights start. The headaches, upset stomachs, and the "I don't want to get out of bed" days lead up to the day that I relive.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday were the Easter parties at school which carry so many hard memories for me. I held myself together until the end of the day when I was able to cry with friends. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Today Elly kept asking me to push her on the swing outside. All I could do was cry. Six years ago that is how I spent my last evening with Abrielle. It was hard but I did finally agree to swing. That was when the next set of tears began to flow. She put on her cowgirl boots and ran out the door. All I could see was my Abby pulling on her cowgirl boots six years ago to help her Daddy outside while I was making supper. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">So many flashbacks. So many tears. I miss my little girl. My heart is breaking and I am having such a hard time with my emotions today knowing what tomorrow is ~ the day we lost our Abrielle. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-74780011938067373642013-01-04T21:16:00.001-06:002013-01-04T21:17:08.673-06:00Speech Given<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">On Wednesday I spoke to a new class at the Treatment Center. I was actually a little nervous because it had been about six months since I had talked anywhere. I had planned on updating the speech I give, but as I sat down to do that, I was having a difficult time and gave up. I am sure it was because I had just gotten through the holidays and decided that it would be fine the way it was since this group had not heard it. This group had about 17 offenders and most sat very quietly while I talked. A few wiped their eyes. I felt I did pretty well and only shed tears a few times, but when I finished I really wondered how I did since I was met by stares and silence. It took them a few minutes before they asked any questions or made any comments. I was actually surprised that the ones that are normally asked were not and that only a few were asked. Usually I spend about 20 to 30 minutes talking after I finish my speech, but this time it was maybe 10 to 15. I was really beginning to wonder if I had made any impression at all but then as they were dismissed for break, each one lined up to shake my hand and thank me for sharing my story. My goal each time is to reach just one to make my tears worth it, but I sincerely felt I touched them all in this class. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-22796150622413626062013-01-04T20:56:00.002-06:002013-01-04T20:56:21.096-06:00In The Paper<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This was printed after the tragedy in Newtown and so much of it just seemed to hit home with me so I wanted to share~</span><br />
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By Ann Hood — Special To The Washington Post<br /> <br /> PROVIDENCE, R.I. — We are stunned. We are outraged. As a nation, we are questioning laws on gun control, questioning how such a thing can happen. These are all appropriate responses to the tragedy in Newtown, Conn. But there is a repercussion to all this that will continue long after laws are changed and life, unbelievably, gets back to normal: the grief of the parents of the 20 children killed. How many times have I heard that this is a parent's worst nightmare? As someone who has lived the nightmare of losing a child, I know that the enormous hole left behind remains forever.<br /> <br /> My daughter, Grace, was not killed by a gun. She died suddenly at age 5 from a virulent form of strep. As I stood stunned in a church at her memorial, one of the hardest things I heard someone say was, “I'm going to go home and hug my child a little tighter.” Well, good for you, I thought. I'm going to go home and scream.<br /> <br /> What can be said in light of such grief? What can you do? The problem is that no one can give the parents what they want most: their child. Long after the memorials fade and the casseroles stop coming, that child is still dead, and those parents are still grieving.<br /> <br /> I offer here what I have learned about grief in the 10 years since my Gracie died:<br /> <br /> I learned that platitudes don't work. Time doesn't heal. She is not in a better place. God does give us more than we can bear sometimes. I have learned that there is more power in a good strong hug than in a thousand meaningful words. I have learned that even in the face of loss, clothes still get dirty and bills still need to get paid. Friends who laundered our socks and answered our e-mails, who mowed our lawn and put gas in our cars, helped us — a lot. The friend who came one afternoon and went through Grace's backpack, carefully storing her kindergarten workbook and papers, hanging her art on the refrigerator and her raincoat on its hook in the mudroom, had more courage than the ones who told me to call anytime.<br /> <br /> Some friends sat with me day after day, week after week and, yes, month after month, and let me talk while they listened. I told the story of Grace's last day over and over, as if by telling it I could make sense of what had happened to her, to us. But there is no sense to be made of such tragedy, and when I realized that, they let me wail and bang my fists and curse.<br /> <br /> As time passes, people return to their ordinary lives, while grieving parents no longer have ordinary lives. They are redefining themselves, and they are at a loss at how to move forward. There is a woman who still sends me a card on Grace's birthday and every Mother's Day, who sent cards weekly for more than a year, a lifeline to a grieving mother. The people who even now, a decade later, still say Grace's name, still comment on her quirky style and artistic talents and love of the Beatles, continue to help me through my days, simply by remembering her.<br /> <br /> How easy it is to look away from grief, as if it might be contagious, or too frightening to face. But the Newtown parents have a difficult, lifelong journey through grief ahead of them. Somehow, the seasons will change, the anniversaries will stack up one after the other. They will, unbelievably, smile again. They will make dinner and change jobs and buy clothes and celebrate and travel. They will go on. But there will always, always, be this grief, softened and dulled but present every minute of every day.<br /> <br /> Do not forget that. Look them in the eye. Take them in your arms, and do not let them go<br /> I<br /> Read more here: <a href="http://www.heraldonline.com/2012/12/23/4505027/no-time-does-not-heal-all-wounds.html#storylink=cpy" rel="nofollow nofollow" target="_blank"><span>http://www.heraldonline.com/</span><wbr></wbr><span class="word_break"></span><span>2012/12/23/4505027/</span><wbr></wbr><span class="word_break"></span><span>no-time-does-not-heal-all-wound</span><wbr></wbr><span class="word_break"></span>s.html#storylink=cpy</a><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-67020648018575737622012-12-29T13:46:00.000-06:002012-12-29T13:51:04.358-06:00Season 6 Over<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Holiday number 6 is over. The trees are torn down and put away. It seems like I used the avoidance tactic for the most part this year. I could not bring myself to take the tree to the cemetery, so Marc and the girls did it. I held off a good two weeks after the girls started asking before I put the trees up. The shopping and wrapping were done just days before Christmas. But Santa still remembered to leave stuffed animals under the Abby Tree. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So now it's on to New Year's and I am super excited that one of our friends from our CMH support group will be riding on this year's Donate Life America float in honor and memory of her daughter. I asked her to find Abby's flower that we have placed on the float and be the one to put it in its place for us. </span><br />
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<img align="left" border="0" height="21" src="http://www.donatelifefloat.org/prod/components/images/diamond.gif" width="20" /> <img align="left" border="0" height="42" src="http://www.donatelifefloat.org/prod/components/images/hintro_mdemoss.gif" width="200" /><br />
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Donor Mother<br />
<div style="font-size: 12px; line-height: 150%;">
Age 45 ~
Independence, MO<br />
Business Owner and Executive Director, <br />
Blair's Foster
Socks Foundation</div>
Sponsored by <a href="http://www.cytonetllc.com/" target="_new"><span style="color: #526312;">Cytonet</span></a><br />
in partnership with Midwest Transplant
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<td>Michele Shanahan DeMoss knew her daughter Blair didn't have a problem with
teddy bears. Blair's problem was babies' cold, bare feet. Each time a foster
child came into her family's care, Blair asked, "Why do they always have stuffed
animals, but no one can find them socks?" Determined to fix the problem,
11-year-old Blair envisioned Foster Socks, a program to provide socks to foster
and homeless children. Blair's dream was dashed when she was fatally shot by a
nearby Fourth of July reveler, but Foster Socks did not die with Blair, who gave
new life to at least six people as a donor. "She would have gotten this done,
"said Michele. "Now it's up to us."<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #526312;"><b>Michele's Story</b></span><br />
Michele Shanahan DeMoss knew her daughter Blair Michaela Shanahan Lane didn't
have a problem with teddy bears. Blair's problem was babies with cold, bare
feet. Each time a new foster child was given to her family's care, Blair asked
the same question: "Why do foster kids always show up with stuffed animals, but
no one can find them socks?"<br />
That was Blair: pragmatic, compassionate, and determined to fix the problem.
Her solution was Foster Socks, a program dedicated to providing socks to foster
and homeless children that she hoped to launch as part of her Girl Scout Gold
Award project.<br />
While most girls complete their Gold Award projects as juniors or seniors in
high school, Blair had a different sense of urgency. Though not yet a sixth
grader, she was already filling journals with ideas and project plans for Foster
Socks. She couldn't get warm socks to foster and homeless kids soon enough.
Sadly, her dream was dashed before it got started.<br />
Celebrating the Fourth of July, 2011, 11-year-old Blair was enjoying the
traditional back yard holiday festivities she had since she was two years old at
a family home in Kansas City, Mo. Suddenly, Blair collapsed; she had been shot
by a holiday reveler firing a gun from nearby.<br />
Hundreds of people visited Blair in the hospital, friends, family, civic
leaders, pastors. Michele was stunned at how many people her daughter had
touched, and she was touched by their words. "Her friends' parents told me their
kids wanted to be like her. And so many people mentioned that Blair knew how to
live as a good Christian," said Michele. "Her understanding and devotion to that
was not about religion. She went to the church nearly every week, but it was
never about the building."<br />
Blair died the next day, July fifth. She never gave socks to homeless
children, but as an organ donor, she may have given new life to at least six
people between the ages of six and 60. And, if Michele has anything to do with
it, Foster Socks will not die with Blair. "Blair radiated the love and presence
of God. She would have gotten this done, "said Michele. "Now it's up to us."<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Please take the time to read the rest of the float riders' stories and the floragraph stories. Each one is an amazing gift that changed another life. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><a href="http://www.donatelifefloat.org/">http://www.donatelifefloat.org</a></span></span></td></tr>
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<div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-48219638972678437552012-12-17T21:14:00.000-06:002012-12-29T13:47:01.279-06:00Holiday Ramblings<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Christmas is all but here and it has been a struggle like usual for me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It started the day before Thanksgiving for me as I ran to Walmart to grab a birthday gift. I was standing in the toy aisle, looking at all the boy toys when I began to notice the holiday songs and the Christmas decor. My chest started to tighten and the anxiety started to flow. I made up my mind rather quickly about what I would be purchasing and made my exit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The next evening after our family dinner, our evening plans were made. It was decided my sisters were taking the kids to see two different movies and my Mom and I would try to make a couple of purchases during the sales. I knew from the day before that I might not be able to handle the store, but we would give it a try. Unfortunately my prediction was correct and I only lasted about 10 minutes in the store before I was calling my Mom to tell her it was just too much. I could feel the panic attack starting and knew I had to leave before it progressed any further.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Instead I have been online shopping more this year and it has really helping me in dealing with the holidays by avoiding the stores as much as I can. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We also finally gave in and put the trees all up in one day last weekend so it was all over at once. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Pictures are done and we had family ones done too this year. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We used Abby's little red leather purse she had gotten for Christmas her last year with us to the pictures this year.</span> <br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Here is a glimpse at how our Christmas cards are this year. (Hopefully I get them mailed.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Wishing you ~</span></div>
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Peace</div>
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Love</div>
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& Joy</div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And the good thing is there is just a week left and I can be done for another year. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">(And yes, I am doing my best to avoid the recent tragedy in the news because it just brings too many emotions back up for me.)</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-52518488243194520422012-11-19T20:00:00.000-06:002012-11-19T20:15:31.013-06:00My Up is Lost<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Up.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Has anyone seen it? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have just felt so overwhelmed lately that I have felt like I have been struggling to even know which way is up. (Hopefully that makes sense) I have just been wanting to curl up and cry. I have not quite been able to put my finger on the cause.... It is likely so many things adding up which these months are good for. The talk of Christmas. The decorations out in the stores. The music playing already. The emails that have been flooding my inbox advertising all the big sales. It all makes me miss my little girl so much and the void feels greater during the holidays. How I wish that sometimes I can just hide away until the chaos is over. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The good thing is that I have made it a week without my facade crumbling in public. Support group last weekend was such a blessing. I cried more there this time than I had in quite some time. I left exhausted and drained, but feeling better after sharing with others who are experiencing the same things. For five years we have been going to these meetings. Five years and I still don't know when the holidays will be filled with only joy again. Five years and I still look forward to each group meeting for some sort of healing. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Both girls made memory rocks in their groups. Elly also made a doll and filled a glove with play dough, both of which were to help with their feelings. There were enough older siblings that Mady was able to be broke out into that group which she really enjoys. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-65269340431472376692012-11-11T18:24:00.000-06:002012-11-19T20:15:31.015-06:00A Bit of Hodge Podge<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We finally managed to carve our jack-o-lanterns the day before Halloween and of course we had to make three. We have to make a letter A for our Abrielle. The girls did great cleaning Abby's out and helping carve it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Elly wanted to hold Abby's little pumpkin (the one I still have not taken to the cemetery) for the picture.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I need to send out some thanks for some recent donation. </span><br />
<ul>
<li><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Thanks to the Heart of American Tractor Cruise for riding for our cause and donating to the Foundation.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Thanks to Mitch Meyers for sharing your birthday gifts with us.</span></div>
</li>
<li><div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Thanks to Phi Theta Kappa Honor Society for collecting items for Abby's Hugs and continuing to take care of the Clarinda program.</span></div>
</li>
</ul>
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<ul>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br /><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-86877742079075724492012-11-09T21:15:00.001-06:002012-11-19T20:14:03.538-06:00It Was Just Too Much<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My strength gave way today and the tears fell despite my best efforts. It was just too in my face and I had no distractions. I apologize to those of you that saw me crumble as I really do try to keep that to the privacy of home. And I thank those of you that were there for support in one way or another. Your caring and understanding mean the world to me during those tough times. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">It was just a Veteran's Day assembly at school and it should have been just that for me too. Instead, after we were seated with our students and formalities over, the fourth grade class began their songs. I fought through tears welling up on the first song and was not able to keep them from spilling over by the second song. I had to excuse myself and take some time to compose myself. I thought I had myself under control, but only lasted maybe another two minutes before it became too much for me again. All I could see on the stage were Abby's friends and classmates. The huge part of my life missing from me was all I could see. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I really think it had been building up for too long without me expressing anything. The start of the holiday season always pulls me down and this year I thought I could push the tears aside. I have had guilt building up for weeks because I have not been able to go to the cemetery. I have not taken her the pumpkin we picked out for her the first week of October. I could not get pumpkins carved for the other girls until the 30th. I have just felt some things spiraling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I have been hoping that working at the school and mainly with the preschoolers would help me heal some and maybe fill in a little spot in that gaping hole I have. And some days it does. They bring me joy and I love each one of them, but there are times that I can't help but think, "that was Abby's cubby," "I remember seeing Abby sit at the yellow table eating her snack," " I brought her here just five years ago." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But, Tuesday is another day at school and I will have my emotions back in check. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-11461609706033389922012-09-18T18:06:00.002-05:002012-11-19T20:19:43.605-06:00A Long Time Ago<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the beginning of the year Elly had to take items and pictures that were about her to school. Her turn to share these things was last week. As we were waiting to pick up Mady from school, I saw the bag of items in her backpack. We went through them one by one and she told me what she said about them and what her friends thought about them. Of course there was a picture of Abby included. When we got to it I continued the same as I had the others. Here is how our conversation went...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: purple;">I told my friends that that is my sister Abby, but she died a long time ago in a car crash.</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">It was not that long ago but you were still in my tummy, almost ready to come out</span>.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh. (long pause) Did Mady get died too?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">No. Mady is still here with us.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh. Why did Abby get died?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">She was hurt really bad and the doctors could not fix her.</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Oh. Why did you want to have a car crash?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: blue;">Mommy did not want to have a car crash. It was an accident.</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Later in the evening when I was taking her into dance, I pointed out the small wooden cross on the roadside to her, telling her that was where the accident happened. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Arial;">What is the cross for?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial;">Just so people will remember.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="color: purple; font-family: Arial;">Remember you had a car crash?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial;">No. To remember Abby.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I know to a five year old, five years is a long time, but the tears still flow like it isn't. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I see Abby's classmates at school every day. Fourth graders. I just can't believe that is how big my little girl would be. One day it was the mere comment that fourth grade had a big class that brought tears to my eyes with the thought that they are missing one. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-22978226851011190142012-09-09T20:50:00.001-05:002012-11-19T20:20:49.026-06:002012 Memorial Service <br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today was the Children's Mercy Hospital Celebration of Life Memorial Service. We have attended every year since we lost Abby and I still cry every year. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The girls left messages for Abby on the tree again this year.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Elly wrote out her own message this year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It says I (heart) you Abby, in a mixed up order.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span> </div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">But then it flies on again.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">And though we wished it could have stayed, we feel lucky to have seen it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This year the speakers were parents that we know from our support group. They spoke about their twin son they lost to CDH after 35 days.</span> </div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">In their name</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">Who are gone</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">These young hearts</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">These flawless souls</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">In their name</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">Let our lives grow</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;">~Sascha Wagner</span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394;"></span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The girls always look forward to the butterfly release and this year we released monarchs instead of painted ladies.</span> </div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The sky was filled with all the beautiful butterflies.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Days like these bring my grief to the front, but when I am surrounded by families that are experiencing the same thing, there is no reason to hide it. Elly was concerned about me and the fact that I was crying. I explained it was just because I was really missing Abby. So she snuggled up close, took my Kleenex, wiped my eyes and soon had a few tears of her own.</span> </div>
<div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-62905454006688726322012-05-21T10:17:00.000-05:002012-11-19T20:11:23.157-06:00Celebration Approaching!<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The Celebration is fast approaching! I hope your calendars are marked for the fun family event. </span><br />
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Celebration of Children</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Sunday, June, 3rd</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">12-4</span></div>
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<span style="color: purple; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">Beal Park</span></div><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-21279817212983108352012-05-21T10:11:00.001-05:002012-11-19T20:22:47.761-06:00Telling Others<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have had several speaking engagements the last few weeks and have shared our story and information about the Foundation to different groups. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I spoke at the tree planting ceremony for Crime Victims Week at Mozingo again this year about the Foundation. There was a special remembrance this year for the ten year anniversary of the Conception Abbey shooting. I listened to Father Riechart talk about the tragedy and the trials he still faces in daily life. Ten years and the memories are still fresh for him, as I know they still will be for me. But he stated that he does not live his life in fear as he continues on with his mission. After the ceremony, I was approached about sharing our story across the state of Missouri. Every two years the video that is shown for education by the highway patrol on impaired driving is reproduced and they would like for us to be a part of it this year. I think it would be amazing if our little girl could touch that many lives.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The following morning I spoke to the local Optimist club about the Foundation and how we help children in the community. Several members were unaware of the many facets of the Foundation. I was contacted this week that they decided to make a donation to the Foundation! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I was invited to speak at the Mother Daughter Banquet at Parnell Methodist Church the first week in May. It was a wonderful surprise to see all the items that had been brought for donations for the Foundation! I was not expecting that at all. I started off with one of my speeches, but then evolved into more of a conversation with the ladies. It was a great setting and we discussed everything from the Foundation to grieving the loss of a child to organ donation. I was glad they invited me for the event.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last week I spoke at the Treatment Center to the ICVC class. I am amazed how much our story touches these men each time I tell it. I always receive many comments thanking me for coming and how I have helped open their eyes to what their lifestyles cause. One man did not understand the ripple effect they talk about in class until after I told our story. </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-69942945799896047212012-04-25T09:27:00.001-05:002012-11-19T20:13:02.024-06:00Give The Gift Of Life<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">April is National Donate Life Month.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know many of you have heard our story of donation, but it is something we feel strongly about. I had always made it known that I wanted to be an organ donor if anything should happen to me. I had my license signed and told family my wishes. I just never imagined it would be a decision I would be making for my 3 year old instead. No one likes to think about their own death, much less that of their own child, but for us it was the easiest decision of the day. As soon as I arrived at CMH, a representative from Midwest Transplant Network was there to begin the process of sharing our daughter's life with others. As she went through the list of what organs and tissues we would be willing to give, marking yes beside each one for us, I paused at the corneas. Her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes. That one was difficult, but we said yes hoping they would allow someone else to see the world the way she did. It was soon after the papers were finished that it was shared with us they knew where her liver would be going. It was going to bring new life to a little two year old boy in the same hospital. It was a moment of happiness knowing she was going to be helping another child. It was the next day that we received a phone call telling us Abby's kidneys were able to bring new life to a woman in her 30s. We had hoped that more organs would be able to be used, but due to the clotting agents and medications, the others were not. Organ donation has been the bright spots in the tragedy of losing our little girl. We hope that everyone will think about becoming a donor, a hero, and save lives. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Here is a link to other families stories on donation</span><br />
<a href="http://www.mwtn.org/families/donor-stories"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.mwtn.org/families/donor-stories</span></a><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And a link to stories of recipients</span><br />
<a href="http://www.mwtn.org/recipients/mtn-recipient-stories"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://www.mwtn.org/recipients/mtn-recipient-stories</span></a><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-22820338244400756592012-04-25T08:55:00.002-05:002012-11-19T20:24:22.990-06:00Baby Steps<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It seems strange to say that there are moments when I feel like I am finally beginning to heal because I honestly did not think it would ever happen. I never thought I could have times when the tears would dry up and I could just enjoy being a Mom to my other two girls, but I have experienced a few. I noticed that since Elly had reached age 4 and is approaching age 5, I had started grieving the things I have not gotten to experience with Abby. It was difficult filling out the Kindergarten papers knowing I never got to send Abrielle, but I kept the tears hidden. It was hard taking Elly to get her ears pierced knowing that Abby never was able to and with the memories of Mady having hers filling my head. (Abby kept trying to escape that day while my focus was on her big sister. She had other things she wanted to go see and do.) But there were no tears from me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We finally let Mady have a slumber party for her birthday again which had not been done since she turned 6 in Kindergarten. It was her last birthday with her sister here. This year it was Elly running around trying to be a big girl instead of Abby. We even did some of the same things ~ roasting marshmallows and making smores in the fire. But there were no tears, just talks about the memories of the last time while we watched all the girls enjoy the night. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Last weekend was dance recital and this was the first time I made it through the entire day without any tears. Abby was in my thoughts as I helped Elly prepare for her dances and as I watched all the little girls on stage, but no tears, just memories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I really hope this is a healing trend and that I can begin to experience more things without the tears. I know the memories will always be there but hopefully I can squelch the tears a little more often now. </span> <div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-59761274838642847872012-03-29T09:00:00.000-05:002012-11-19T20:16:58.957-06:00Missing Her<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tears stream down my face today as I miss my little Abrielle so much more today. But there are moments the tears just won't flow as it is my heart that is really crying. The pain I feel on this day has not lessened yet and it seems almost unreal for me to say I have been without her for 5 years now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Five years. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">One thousand, eight hundred, and twenty five days since my last </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">kisses. My last I love yous. My last snuggles. My last moments shared with my Abrielle.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Today is the day I cannot seem to keep my emotions hidden behind my smiling mask. Today is the day it takes all my energy just to leave the bed. Today is the day that the sun does not shine in my life. Today is the day the pain of that tragic day cannot be squelched. Today is the day spent reliving the nightmare that has become the normal part of our life. Today I cannot pretend the pain does not exist. Today is the day I wish could change time to fix. Today life does not just go on for me. It comes to a screeching halt as it did five years ago. The sounds, the smells, the sights of that day flood my thoughts today as there is no way to avoid remembering what happened on this day that changed our lives forever. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The horrific sound of the impact of the vehicles.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The sudden pressure and pain I felt in my body.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The blackness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The hissing and dripping sounds.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Mady's screams. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The "please wake me up from this bad dream" feeling.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The sight of my little girl's broken body.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The panic.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The screaming for Abby to breathe.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">The sirens.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">The overwhelming sense of peace. (I have never shared this on here before) I was screaming hysterically, "God, NO! No, no, no. Please!" as Abby stopped breathing. I had lifted her shirt to watch for signs but there was stillness. It was then that this sense of peace and comfort came over me. It was then that I heard "It's going to be okay" just as plain as if there was someone standing beside me speaking those words. It was then my hysteria stopped and I became unreasonably calm throughout the rest of the day. It was then that Abby started breathing again. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Five years and the pain and memories are just as vivid. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">There is a void in my heart that cannot be filled and today it feeling like a gaping hole.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I love you and miss you Abrielle! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span> <div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-26454703044968078882012-03-02T11:21:00.000-06:002012-11-19T20:17:26.718-06:00Clarinda Hugs<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have expanded again! I am super excited to let everyone know that we, in working with a sorority at Iowa Western, have expanded to Clarinda Regional Medical Center! At the end of January we made our first donation for the hospital. We sent 300 animals and 100 coloring books, crayons, etc to the group for them to deliver to the hospital as they are needed. Right now the best estimate is that they will need around 50 animals a month. I am very thankful for the sorority for managing this for us and am happy to share Abby's Hugs with another hospital! </span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-22427460320688829392012-03-02T11:12:00.000-06:002012-11-19T20:26:08.143-06:00Catch up Post<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Where have I been? It's been 2 months without a post? I hope everyone out there has not given up on the site! The Holidays take a huge toll on me and then the computer hard drive crashed requiring it to be in for repair yet again. (One more time and the lemon clause gets us a new one so hopefully our troubles will be over then.) So let's catch up, shall we. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Santa, of course, filled the bottom of Abby's tree with stuffed animals for the Foundation. (photo program not reinstalled yet so I can't share)</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Mandy Scott's class at Avenue City collected donations at Christmas time to share with us. We really loved getting the huge boxes full again this year! Thanks so much!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Eugene Field's Preschool classes just concluded their donation drive throughout the month of February with lots of needed things given. Thanks Preschoolers!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">A BIG thank you to our Maryville Walmart as we picked up over 200 animals last week! They were kind enough to donate all the stuffed animals left from Valentine's to us! It was very appreciated!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">A dodge ball tournament is being held on March 13th by MHS National Honor Society at the high school. The proceeds benefit the Foundation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">I hope everyone has their calendars marked for June 3rd! That is when this year's Celebration will be held. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Our next bagging and meeting will be Saturday, March 24th at 7 pm at our house. We have lots to catch up on!</span><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-81412626431363752892011-12-24T09:30:00.000-06:002012-11-19T20:18:50.444-06:00A Tearful Morning<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I was woke up this morning by an automated phone call from the State. It was not how I would have chosen to start Christmas Eve. We have cookies to bake for Santa, food to prepare for tomorrow, a few more presents to wrap, and fun and games planned for the evening. I did not plan on starting the day with tears and fighting to not let the depression leave me curled up on the couch all day. It's not that my little girl would be far from my thoughts. In fact she would be in the front of my mind as we did all these activities. She would be missed during every second of the day the way it was. I did not need it thrown in my face that she is gone like it was at 8 this morning. Here is a copy of the email message I received that is essentially what the phone call was, but with a few more details. </span><br />
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12/24/2011<br />
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Re: Ryan Sundermann, Offender #: 01177786<br />
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In response to your desire to be notified, please be advised that the above named offender has been scheduled for release on a conditional release date of 1/7/2012, which is the mandatory release date required by law. In addition, the offender may earn good time credit, which would advance the release date. Upon release, please note that the remainder of the offender's sentence will be served under parole supervision. <br />
<br />
No further notification will be sent to you unless the offender's release date is advanced or the offender is revoked and returned to a correctional facility.<div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5875092882196163646.post-10844206936522894722011-12-23T09:30:00.000-06:002012-11-19T20:27:27.432-06:00Holidays<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The shopping is done. The gifts are wrapped (all but a few). The trees have been up for a week. The pictures are taken, but cards will probably be Happy New Year. The end of the Holiday season is in sight. I have been rather proud of how I have handled things this year so far. I forced myself to take care of things on my own. I shopped without having to be pulled along by friends. I needed Abby's trees up as soon as the others were up. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">For the pictures this year, some had Abby's black leotard in them and others had her Princess dress-up slippers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <a href="http://byreba.com/p821216800/e1d28bd99">http://byreba.com/p821216800/e1d28bd99</a></span><br />
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<a href="http://byreba.com/p821216800/e3ab5f2c5"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://byreba.com/p821216800/e3ab5f2c5</span></a><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br />
</span><br />
<a href="http://byreba.com/p821216800/e3ae6c277"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">http://byreba.com/p821216800/e3ae6c277</span></a><div class="blogger-post-footer">..........................................................</div>Brenda Neffhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12023645872181406798noreply@blogger.com0