A Box of Hugs

We received a whole box full of teddy bears, bunnies, and frogs from Tom Parker. His sister is a nurse in North Carolina and gave him (and us) the website where their hospital gift shop purchases some of their animals. The animals are at such a reasonable price and they are super soft. This was great information to get since sometimes we have to pay full retail for them if we can't find them on sale/clearance. Abby holds a special place in Tom's heart that some might not understand. The tire shop is right next to the daycare where Abby went. Any time she would see him outside she would have to yell at him to come visit. After she started preschool and would come with me to work, she had to call him on the phone to chat with him. It was pretty cute and he would take the time to talk to her even if he was busy. Here's a picture of the critters.

Time to Bag

We are planning on bagging this Saturday night (the 22nd) at 7:30. I guess I've lost track of time and am trying to squeeze this in before the holidays get busy for everyone. We don't have gobs of animals like usual, but we will have to work on the teeny ones for gifts for the preschoolers. I'll post more info about Saturday as soon as I get it all figured out.

I also wanted to share something that I can't seem to get out of my head. I am a huge ER fan and have been since the show started. Since the accident there have been a few times that I just could not watch because it hit too close to home, but for the most part I don't miss an episode. Last Thursday I watched as one of the new doctors on the show battle through flashbacks of losing her son. I sat there and cried, not able to turn the channel. She said something that has stuck with me since then. When you lose your parents, you're an orphan. When you lose your spouse they call you a widow/widower. But when you lose your child....they don't have a word for that.

Good News At Last

I don't know how we can ever thank the Prosecuting Attorney's Office enough for everything they have done for us since this nightmare began. They helped us navigate every step of the way through the legal process and brought about the sentence of 6 years to Ryan Sundermann. They helped us avoid the torture of a trial and kept us informed of every little detail throughout the process. They were truly wonderful people. But they didn't just sever the ties with our case once the sentencing was over. After being informed that he would receive credit for the 180 days served, their office sent letters to the Office of the General Counsel for the Department of Corrections to inform them of the error. Last night we received the good news that the DOC has ruled that Sundermann will NOT receive credit for those days served since they were for an unrelated crime. The Sheriff's department had indicated that he was to receive credit for those days due to the judge's error and that is what the DOC had to go by. This good news might seem small to some, but we feel like we finally got something to go our way. Like maybe there is just a small glimmer of hope in this messed up justice system for the victims. And the difference between serving 6 months in a federal prison and serving 6 months in a county jail is huge, not that we have ill wishes for Sundermann. We feel this is what was ordered by the courts and this is what should be done, especially since the time to be served was so short anyway.

In other good news, our JackJack is back to his old self. You have no idea how big of a relief this is. Yes, it means putting up with his orneriness, but I'll take it. He's even been jumping into bed with me at night and waking me up to play. Obviously I'm not playing with a cat at some ridiculous hour in the morning, but it's proof he's feeling better. He's back to eating like he should and everything else seems normal. I guess no more going into Abby's room for him.

See Anything Wrong Here?

You guys probably get tired of me pointing out our messed up legal system, but it just angers me beyond belief sometimes the differences in sentences for crimes. Case in point is the court info from yesterday's Daily Forum. http://www.maryvilledailyforum.com/news/x1751711264/Probation-denied-prison-instead Ok, now that you've read it, do you see what I mean! Let's compare. You get 7 years for beating someone to death, 1 more year than our case. You get a total of 17 years for child molestation, 11 years more than what our Abby's life was worth. You get 10 years for distribution of drugs, 4 years more than what Ryan Sundermann will have to spend in prison. Am I the only one that sees something wrong here? How can the justice system call this fair justice? I guess I need someone to show me the reasoning behind these punishments.

Emotional Drain

Last night was our grief support group at CMH. This is always hard on me, physically and emotionally. For some reason I always become ill after these sessions and that just drains me physically. Emotionally, I end up spent and would just love to curl up right then and sleep, too bad it's 2 hours home. The support group is good for us despite the effects going has on me. We get to be with others who share the same pain and can understand even though each one of our situations are different. The common ground is there. We are all members of the same "club" that no one wants to be a member of. Sometimes I do feel a little jealous (for lack of a better word to describe my feelings) that everyone there had time with their child before they passed. They all had an "illness" of some sort and knew they were going to lose them. They talk about what they were able to do before their child left. We didn't have any of that. We had 16 hours of chaos from the time of the accident until the machines were turned off. We did not have any of that peacefulness, our situation did not allow for it. It was a whirlwind that sometimes I have to slow down in my mind in order to process everything from that day. I would have liked to have had the time to process and decide how I wanted the last days/hours with my little girl spent, but we didn't get to.

Last night's topic was handling the holidays. We were given resources to help us through this time of the year and were able to talk to each other about things to do or not do. I expressed that I seem to be having a really hard time this year too. I was relieved to hear that some people have a harder time the second year than they do the first. Society seems to think that once you have made it through the first year that you should be back to "normal." It doesn't work that way. This year it has been the fact that Abby should have started kindergarten. It has been seeing her preschool classmates at school learning and playing. It has been seeing them parade in their Halloween costumes. It has been carving a third pumpkin for our little girl in Heaven. It has been Elly learning to say Abby's name and knowing who she is. It has been digging through the clothes that Abby wore to find some for Elly. It has been reliving the nightmare even after the prison sentence. The list goes on. The whole first year (and even sometimes now) I felt like I was on auto pilot, not sure which end was up. The magic one year anniversary (Abby's Heavenly Birthday) did not make the pain any easier like so many people think. Yes, we've made it through most all the firsts, but we did our best to skip them, so really we didn't make it through them. We cheated I guess you could say. We were not even going to put up a tree last year and if it had not been for the ice storm and people staying at our house, we would not have had one out. Sad, but true. We did our best to skip any and every tradition we could. I think if we could have we would have left and went away until it was all over. So, the holidays this year are not going to be any easier I'm afraid. Maybe year 3, but I am not going to hold out hope. I did feel like I was able to help out another Mom for the first time though. I told her that we always include something of Abby's in pictures when we have them taken. Afterall, she is still a part of our family. Hopefully this will make their family pictures a little easier.
~Brenda

Foundation News

Last night I spoke about the Foundation to AAFCS (American Association of Family and Consumer Science) at Northwest. Becci belonged to this group and spoke to them last year. They did a stuffed animal drive for us last spring and are planning one this year too. I have talked to several different groups of all different walks and ages, but this was my first campus group. I usually just wing it and see where the discussion goes. Little kids always want to talk about the stuffed animals and any experiences they have had at the hospital or even the doctor. They are always so full of stories, but some of their questions do bring tears. Adult groups usually want to know about all the good things we are doing, how we are turning the tragedy into something good for others. But last night was the first time I have talked about more of the details of the accident and outcome of the sentence. That was just the way the questions went. I thought it was appropriate that we discuss the involvement of alcohol in the accident and its outcome since he was a college student. If it makes just one person stop, think, and not get behind the wheel of a car, then it's worth it. And in all actuality, it is probably good for me to start talking about it a little more. I have only relived the day to just a very few people because it's just still so emotionally painful and probably always will be. I do hope someday to be able to go into the schools and share things with them in hopes of instilling responsible drinking in them at that age. I hope that seeing a local person that has been affected in this way might make a bigger impact than someone that they will just see for the time they are speaking.

In other Foundation news...
Wow! I cannot believe we just received our third Wells Fargo donation. ($300 for closing a loan with Wells Fargo is donated to a nonprofit of their choice) This one came from Cory and Sarah Money. Thanks for thinking of us!
MMS Octagan Club gathered some animals for us from students. I'll try to snap some photos and post them later. Thanks to them for taking on our cause!

Let's Spring Forward

I am not liking the time change at all this year. It has just totally messed up our Sunday routine. Every Sunday we order pizza from Junction Pizza, go see Abby, then pick up our pizza. Last Sunday with the time change, Elly was starving by the time we got finished with the fundraiser at Guys and Dolls, so we ate before we headed home. By the time we got home it was dark and couldn't go to the cemetery. I was kind of upset, but we had spent the day thinking of her so I decided it was ok. It's dark when I get off work now so I knew there would be no chance of getting over there before the weekend. So I was determined to get there this Sunday. Time started slipping away and before I knew it, it was getting dark. I hustled around and ran over to the cemetery by myself and didn't get to stay too long. I know that most of you have been there to visit Abby, so these pictures are mainly for family and friends that don't live very close. I snapped a couple of pics so you could see her stone. We picked out the pink granite teardrop shape last July, but didn't finalize what we wanted on it until the end of April this year. We were so happy they were able to have it finished before Memorial Day.

Some people have asked what the "symbol" is on the back. It's her letter A. We had them copy one of the ones that she had written and they engraved it on the back. I did remove a few of the decorations yesterday, but just the Halloween ones. I put out a turkey stake and a scarecrow. The cemetery is great up there and lets us leave her grave decorated all the time. We take care of the weeding and we trim the grass on her site since the ground has not settled to level yet. Anyway, this is where we get to spend our "family time" on Sundays now.

~Brenda