Mother's Day

Unfortunately this is another day to bring tears. A day meant for relaxation and time spent with the family, turns into a day of missing my little girl in Heaven. I love my two girls that are here with me but I long to have my Abby back so that we can be a true family. Mother's Day should not have to be spent at a cemetery or in tears in Abrielle's room, but that's how I have to spend the day if I am to be with all of my girls. I feel for my friends that have sent their only child to Heaven and do not have one here with them to help ease the heartache. I can only imagine how much harder the day would be without any of my girls here. So, to all of you out there with a child in Heaven, Happy Mother's Day from a Mother who understands. I am sure our little ones have picked a bouquet of flowers in Heaven for us and maybe if we close our eyes we can see the beautiful gifts they have given us.

Giving Hearts

The Girl Scout Troop in Burlington Jct was discussing what to do for their reward for their cookie sales. A trip to the zoo, a water park play day were all discussed, but what was decided was something entirely different ~ a shopping trip. Not just any shopping trip either. A shopping trip to buy things to help others. The girls bought items to help out the Foundation and to help out Briley's Heart Cart. Such giving hearts. Thanks girls!

Tears With Our Smiles

Two years ago today our lives were blessed with a healthy little "Elly" Helen Christine. The day was so bittersweet for us. I had been so afraid that there would be something wrong with her when she made her entrance into the world. How could she, after sustaining such trauma in the womb, be unharmed. I am not sure what I was expecting, but was just fearful that she would not survive for some reason too. I was also so afraid to even look at our new little girl. We had gone as a family for a 4D ultrasound in February (so, yes, Abby got to see her baby sister) and knew she looked just like her big sister Abrielle. From her tiny nose and dainty features, to her head full of dark hair, she favored Abby's looks.

I was not sure how I would be able to handle that added heartache. When Elly arrived, it was a mixture of joy and sadness. I don't want anyone to think for a second that I don't love my Elly with all there is in me, because I do, but when she was placed in my arms, I felt like God had just given me a consolation prize. I felt like he took my Abby that I had 4 years of love and care invested in and gave me a brand new life to start over with. She wasn't my Abby and that was all I wanted at that point. I was filled with such heartache that it took me a while to realize that God had blessed me with a healthy Elly to help fill the void in my heart. Not that Elly could ever replace Abby, but that she could fill my arms, as I longed to have a little person snuggled in close again. She was given to me to give me a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. She was and is a blessing from God.

Garden Planting

I was able to help the preschoolers in planting more flowers in Abby's Garden on Monday morning. I must start by saying that I love that age. They are so full of questions and are so excited to be doing something new. Unfortunately some of the perennials did not survive the winter, so I will be replacing them soon, especially the butterfly bush. Here are a few pictures from our planting.

Mady was able to come help us plant and brought along her friend Abby.

Mrs Nielson (above) and Mrs White (below) help dig holes.

I also took several items to help with the outdoor classroom from the Foundation. We purchased new bird feeders, bird houses, butterfly feeders and nectar, ladybug lure, and many other fun things to help the kids learn about nature.

Officials Recognize Victims

Just wanted to give everyone a link to the Maryville Daily Forum article about the tree planting and National Crime Victims' Week. http://www.maryvilledailyforum.com/news/x1194149948/Officials-recognize-victims Thought this might help explain a little more about the event and what it was all about.
I was also introduced to some representatives of the Kansas City chapter of Parents of Murdered Children at the symposium on Saturday. They gave me some resources that, if Sundermann should be eligible for parole again before his release date, would help us. Their websites would send out a petition and gather huge numbers of signatures to help our cause. Here are the address for their sites http://www.pomc.com/ (national level) http://www.kcpomc.org/ (local level)

A Day of Tears

Saturday we spent at an aftercare symposium sponsored by CMH. I was able to bring Mady with me which was the first time she has attended an event like this. While I was attending breakout sessions, she was involved in play therapy with other kids that had lost a sibling. She made a memory box, a windsock with notes to Abby on it, and played some fun games. She also made some friends, which was just as important. She'd had a rough last week and a half and I am really hoping this experience will help with her emotional outbursts and tears that come for the smallest things.

I was able to spend some time in classes while visiting with friends I had made and was able make some new ones too. It is so nice to have people that understand to talk to. We are all at different stages of our grief and are able to support each other through each step. We are able to share our stories, tears, and hugs.

One of the classes I attended addressed some of our other losses. Some talked about the loss of friends, but thankfully, ours have become closer and we have made some new ones since losing Abby. I had to admit that one of my losses is a loss of freedom/independence. This might seem like a strange thing to associate with losing a child, but it was the manner in which we lost her that caused this for me. I burst into tears as I admitted that for me to get into the car alone, with just Mady and drive to an unknown location was a major accomplishment. I am still not able to hop into the car and take off on my own. It's the fact that the accident happened within 3 miles from home on a road I have driven everyday for the last 12 years, a road that I know every hill, curve, and hole and I still could not prevent it. I just have a hard time traveling on unknown roads for fear that something might happen, especially alone with any of my girls. I am hoping to work on this loss, among others. Maybe it will help just acknowledging it.

National Crime Victims' Right Week

This week, April 26 - May 2, has been designated as National Crime Victims Rights Week. This week provides an opportunity for victims' advocates, criminal and juvenile justice officials, allied professionals, community volunteers, and citizens to join together to observe the recognition week.

The Maryville Treatment Center and the Maryville Board of Probation and Parole Office invited us to join in a tree planting ceremony at Mozingo Lake.

The ceremony opened with Tom Seipel, Probation and Parole District Administrator, welcoming everyone, followed by a performance by MHS Spectrum Choir. Father Kenneth Reichert from the Conception Abbey then opened with a prayer. Next, Joe Ledbetter, MTC Warden, led everyone in the Pledge of Allegiance, followed by Chad Jackson, Mayor, reading a Proclamation stating that Maryville would observe this week as Crime Victims Rights Week. Darren White, Nodaway County Sheriff was the speaker for the event this year, talking about various crimes and the impacts they have on the community. The tree, donated by Sutherlands, was then planted in honor of victims by Tom Seipel, Joe Ledbetter, Darren White, and Sgt. Shane Sims.

A moment of silence....

and then I was asked to speak briefly about the Foundation, since it was started as the result of a crime.

Spectrum sang again, and Father Reichert closed in prayer.

We felt honored to be included in this tree planting remembrance ceremony.