Abrielle Neff Foundation: September 2012

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

A Long Time Ago

At the beginning of the year Elly had to take items and pictures that were about her to school. Her turn to share these things was last week. As we were waiting to pick up Mady from school, I saw the bag of items in her backpack. We went through them one by one and she told me what she said about them and what her friends thought about them. Of course there was a picture of Abby included. When we got to it I continued the same as I had the others. Here is how our conversation went...

I told my friends that that is my sister Abby, but she died a long time ago in a car crash.

It was not that long ago but you were still in my tummy, almost ready to come out.

Oh. (long pause) Did Mady get died too?

No. Mady is still here with us.

Oh. Why did Abby get died?

She was hurt really bad and the doctors could not fix her.

Oh. Why did you want to have a car crash?

Mommy did not want to have a car crash. It was an accident.

Later in the evening when I was taking her into dance, I pointed out the small wooden cross on the roadside to her, telling her that was where the accident happened.

What is the cross for?

Just so people will remember.

Remember you had a car crash?

No. To remember Abby.

I know to a five year old, five years is a long time, but the tears still flow like it isn't.

I see Abby's classmates at school every day.  Fourth graders. I just can't believe that is how big my little girl would be. One day it was the mere comment that fourth grade had a big class that brought tears to my eyes with the thought that they are missing one.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

2012 Memorial Service

Today was the Children's Mercy Hospital Celebration of Life Memorial Service. We have attended every year since we lost Abby and I still cry every year.

The girls left messages for Abby on the tree again this year.

Elly wrote out her own message this year.

It says I (heart) you Abby, in a mixed up order.

A butterfly lights beside us like a sunbeam

And for a brief moment its glory and beauty belong to our world.

But then it flies on again.

And though we wished it could have stayed, we feel lucky to have seen it.

This year the speakers were parents that we know from our support group. They spoke about their twin son they lost to CDH after 35 days.

In their name

Who are gone

These young hearts

These flawless souls

In their name

Let our lives grow

~Sascha Wagner

The girls always look forward to the butterfly release and this year we released monarchs instead of painted ladies.

The sky was filled with all the beautiful butterflies.

Days like these bring my grief to the front, but when I am surrounded by families that are experiencing the same thing, there is no reason to hide it. Elly was concerned about me and the fact that I was crying. I explained it was just because I was really missing Abby. So she snuggled up close, took my Kleenex, wiped my eyes and soon had a few tears of her own.

Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.