Clarinda Hugs

We have expanded again!  I am super excited to let everyone know that we, in working with a sorority at Iowa Western, have expanded to Clarinda Regional Medical Center!  At the end of January we made our first donation for the hospital.  We sent 300 animals and 100 coloring books, crayons, etc to the group for them to deliver to the hospital as they are needed.  Right now the best estimate is that they will need around 50 animals a month.  I am very thankful for the sorority for managing this for us and am happy to share Abby's Hugs with another hospital!

Catch up Post

Where have I been?  It's been 2 months without a post?  I hope everyone out there has not given up on the site!  The Holidays take a huge toll on me and then the computer hard drive crashed requiring it to be in for repair yet again.  (One more time and the lemon clause gets us a new one so hopefully our troubles will be over then.)  So let's catch up, shall we. 

Santa, of course, filled the bottom of Abby's tree with stuffed animals for the Foundation.  (photo program not reinstalled yet so I can't share)

Mandy Scott's class at Avenue City collected donations at Christmas time to share with us.  We really loved getting the huge boxes full again this year!  Thanks so much!

Eugene Field's Preschool classes just concluded their donation drive throughout the month of February with lots of needed things given.  Thanks Preschoolers!

A BIG thank you to our Maryville Walmart as we picked up over 200 animals last week!  They were kind enough to donate all the stuffed animals left from Valentine's to us!  It was very appreciated!

A dodge ball tournament is being held on March 13th by MHS National Honor Society at the high school.  The proceeds benefit the Foundation.

I hope everyone has their calendars marked for June 3rd!  That is when this year's Celebration will be held. 

Our next bagging and meeting will be Saturday, March 24th at 7 pm at our house.  We have lots to catch up on!

A Tearful Morning

I was woke up this morning by an automated phone call from the State.  It was not how I would have chosen to start Christmas Eve.  We have cookies to bake for Santa, food to prepare for tomorrow, a few more presents to wrap, and fun and games planned for the evening.  I did not plan on starting the day with tears and fighting to not let the depression leave me curled up on the couch all day.  It's not that my little girl would be far from my thoughts.  In fact she would be in the front of my mind as we did all these activities.  She would be missed during every second of the day the way it was.  I did not need it thrown in my face that she is gone like it was at 8 this morning.  Here is a copy of the email message I received that is essentially what the phone call was, but with a few more details.   

 12/24/2011



Re: Ryan Sundermann, Offender #: 01177786

In response to your desire to be notified, please be advised that the above named offender has been scheduled for release on a conditional release date of 1/7/2012, which is the mandatory release date required by law. In addition, the offender may earn good time credit, which would advance the release date. Upon release, please note that the remainder of the offender's sentence will be served under parole supervision.

No further notification will be sent to you unless the offender's release date is advanced or the offender is revoked and returned to a correctional facility.

Holidays

The shopping is done.  The gifts are wrapped (all but a few). The trees have been up for a week.  The pictures are taken, but cards will probably be Happy New Year.  The end of the Holiday season is in sight.  I have been rather proud of how I have handled things this year so far.  I forced myself to take care of things on my own.  I shopped without having to be pulled along by friends.  I needed Abby's trees up as soon as the others were up. 

For the pictures this year, some had Abby's black leotard in them and others had her Princess dress-up slippers.

 http://byreba.com/p821216800/e1d28bd99

http://byreba.com/p821216800/e3ab5f2c5


http://byreba.com/p821216800/e3ae6c277

He Still Knows Her

The girls were having pictures taken on Thursday so I had to find something of Abby's to put in the pictures too.  As I went into her room, JackJack came running in with me.  I have not let him in her room in about a year because the one and only time he was in there, he became sick and depressed for weeks afterwards.  I tried to send him right back out, but he ran and hid under her bed.  After I had found things for pictures, I still could not get him to come out and decided to just leave him for a little while.  When I went back in, I found him up on her bed, nose pressed to her pillow, kneading it and purring loudly.  Of course this brought me to tears.  He only does the kneading when he curls up on my stomach, so I knew he still knew his girl.  I scooped him up, carried him out, and closed the door.  As I gave him loves, he pushed away wanting down.  He went back to her door, stretched up, and started rattling the doorknob, yowling.  He wanted back in.  My heart just broke.   

Wishful Thinking

Each year I think the same thing ~

Maybe this will be the year the Holidays get easier. 
Maybe hearing the Christmas music won't phase me this time. 
Maybe all the lights will look cheery. 
Maybe I will enjoy shopping. 
Maybe pulling out the trees at home won't start the restless nights and the holiday blahs. 
Maybe we will put all the ornaments on the trees and decorate the whole house again. 
Maybe my heart will be filled with only joy and no sadness. 
Maybe this year I will want to do things instead of feeling like they are forced.
Maybe I can love Christmas again finally the way I used to.
Maybe.  Just maybe.
But, I guess I can hope for next year. 

'Tis The Season

Halloween is always the start of the rough road for me, but this year it seemed to hit a little sooner.  With health issues knocking me down and keeping me from doing much for weeks, along with a few other events, the thoughts of the holidays and family time came sooner.  My little girl has been in the front of my mind lots lately.  It was great that we had our support group meeting this past weekend about the holidays.  For some reason, we didn't get the pumpkins carved this year and I hope that is not a sign of what is to come for us throughout the season.  It is always bittersweet to welcome new families to group as we know their loss and the days they have ahead of themselves, but we are there to provide support for each other and hopefully make some things easier for them by sharing our experiences.  

The girls were in their groups as well doing their own group therapy as well.  Mady's group spent time talking about angels among other things.  Seeing her papers and writings brought me to tears with her thoughts and feelings written down.  One line asked what you thought your loved one would say in a return letter.  Her response, "I miss you. Say Hi to Mommy."  Elly's group is still more play therapy, but I know Abby has been on her mind lately too.  She has taken to praying little prayers throughout the day.  She prays, "God and Jesus, Please take care of my sister Abby.  And Granny.  And Wendy.  And our dog Molly.  Amen"