Thursday, March 29, 2012

Missing Her

Tears stream down my face today as I miss my little Abrielle so much more today.  But there are moments the tears just won't flow as it is my heart that is really crying.  The pain I feel on this day has not lessened yet and it seems almost unreal for me to say I have been without her for 5 years now.

Five years.

One thousand, eight hundred, and twenty five days since my last kisses.  My last I love yous.  My last snuggles. My last moments shared with my Abrielle.

Today is the day I cannot seem to keep my emotions hidden behind my smiling mask.  Today is the day it takes all my energy just to leave the bed.  Today is the day that the sun does not shine in my life.  Today is the day the pain of that tragic day cannot be squelched.  Today is the day spent reliving the nightmare that has become the normal part of our life.  Today I cannot pretend the pain does not exist.  Today is the day I wish could change time to fix.  Today life does not just go on for me.  It comes to a screeching halt as it did five years ago.  The sounds, the smells, the sights of that day flood my thoughts today as there is no way to avoid remembering what happened on this day that changed our lives forever.  

The horrific sound of the impact of the vehicles.
The sudden pressure and pain I felt in my body.
The blackness.
The hissing and dripping sounds.
Mady's screams.
The "please wake me up from this bad dream" feeling.
The sight of my little girl's broken body.
The panic.
The screaming for Abby to breathe.
The sirens.

The overwhelming sense of peace.  (I have never shared this on here before)   I was screaming hysterically, "God, NO!  No, no, no.  Please!" as Abby stopped breathing.  I had lifted her shirt to watch for signs but there was stillness.  It was then that this sense of peace and comfort came over me.  It was then that I heard "It's going to be okay" just as plain as if there was someone standing beside me speaking those words.  It was then my hysteria stopped and I became unreasonably calm throughout the rest of the day.  It was then that Abby started breathing again. 

Five years and the pain and memories are just as vivid. 

There is a void in my heart that cannot be filled and today it feeling like a gaping hole.

I love you and miss you Abrielle! 


Friday, March 2, 2012

Clarinda Hugs

We have expanded again!  I am super excited to let everyone know that we, in working with a sorority at Iowa Western, have expanded to Clarinda Regional Medical Center!  At the end of January we made our first donation for the hospital.  We sent 300 animals and 100 coloring books, crayons, etc to the group for them to deliver to the hospital as they are needed.  Right now the best estimate is that they will need around 50 animals a month.  I am very thankful for the sorority for managing this for us and am happy to share Abby's Hugs with another hospital!

Catch up Post

Where have I been?  It's been 2 months without a post?  I hope everyone out there has not given up on the site!  The Holidays take a huge toll on me and then the computer hard drive crashed requiring it to be in for repair yet again.  (One more time and the lemon clause gets us a new one so hopefully our troubles will be over then.)  So let's catch up, shall we. 

Santa, of course, filled the bottom of Abby's tree with stuffed animals for the Foundation.  (photo program not reinstalled yet so I can't share)

Mandy Scott's class at Avenue City collected donations at Christmas time to share with us.  We really loved getting the huge boxes full again this year!  Thanks so much!

Eugene Field's Preschool classes just concluded their donation drive throughout the month of February with lots of needed things given.  Thanks Preschoolers!

A BIG thank you to our Maryville Walmart as we picked up over 200 animals last week!  They were kind enough to donate all the stuffed animals left from Valentine's to us!  It was very appreciated!

A dodge ball tournament is being held on March 13th by MHS National Honor Society at the high school.  The proceeds benefit the Foundation.

I hope everyone has their calendars marked for June 3rd!  That is when this year's Celebration will be held. 

Our next bagging and meeting will be Saturday, March 24th at 7 pm at our house.  We have lots to catch up on!