Thursday, March 28, 2013

A Hard Day

When does it get easier? 

I so wish I had the answer to that question I am always asking myself.  I still have times when the grief floods with me with tears.  Today has been one of them.  Actually, this whole week has been draining.  Somehow, whether I am looking at the calendar or not, I know what day is approaching.  The sleepless nights start.  The headaches, upset stomachs, and the "I don't want to get out of bed" days lead up to the day that I relive.

Yesterday were the Easter parties at school which carry so many hard memories for me.  I held myself together until the end of the day when I was able to cry with friends.    

Today Elly kept asking me to push her on the swing outside.  All I could do was cry.  Six years ago that is how I spent my last evening with Abrielle.  It was hard but I did finally agree to swing.  That was when the next set of tears began to flow.  She put on her cowgirl boots and ran out the door.  All I could see was my Abby pulling on her cowgirl boots six years ago to help her Daddy outside while I was making supper. 

So many flashbacks.  So many tears.  I miss my little girl.  My heart is breaking and I am having such a hard time with my emotions today knowing what tomorrow is ~ the day we lost our Abrielle.