Abrielle Neff Foundation: Happy Holidays?

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Happy Holidays?

Christmas time makes the sadness and depression I battle so much worse. The "happy face" is harder to put on and the tears flow almost daily during this season. I switch to a "have to do this for my girls" mode and that's what keeps me going. I miss my Abby so much right now that I'm not sure I can describe the feelings inside. It's the little things that get me so often. Sometimes it's the twinkling Christmas lights on houses as we drive through town to show the girls their beauty. Sometimes it's the toys I see as I force myself to shop for gifts. Sometimes it's the music that is being played that stops me in my tracks. Sometimes it's someone saying, "You have a Merry Christmas with your family." There are days that it is so hard to pull myself from the "pity party" feelings of "this isn't fair!" and "why my little girl that was loved so much" to the "we were blessed with an angel for almost 4 years" where I try to keep myself. It gets harder as the reindeer on the advent calendar gets closer to that last star, meaning the big day is here. The "magic" of Christmas just isn't the same when we have to visit one daughter at the cemetery instead of watching her rip paper from packages.

I do want to say that there have been some wonderful moments that bring happy tears during this season too. It's the teachers that gather gifts for the Foundation instead of themselves. It's the friends that drag you out for lunch because you haven't felt like eating. It's the students that give their gifts from a Santa visit to the Foundation. It's the friends that come over to help wrap gifts and keep you company because they know you won't get it done otherwise. It's the friend that searched until they found solar Christmas lights for you to put on Abby's tree at the cemetery (and it looks beautiful! I cried when I saw them on in the dark.) It's the friend that comes over to give you the motivation to get those homemade gifts done. It's the friend that helps you find the gifts they knew you wanted for the girls but didn't want to battle the crowds for. It's the friends that listen and support you everyday in the little things that sometimes can seem so big. I love all of you and couldn't get through this "most wonderful time of the year" without all of you.

1 comment:

JenniferDecember 23, 2009 at 12:53 PM
(((Hugs))) Brenda. I'm thinking of you and your sweet Abby angel.
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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.