Monday, November 19, 2012

My Up is Lost


Has anyone seen it? 

I have just felt so overwhelmed lately that I have felt like I have been struggling to even know which way is up.  (Hopefully that makes sense)   I have just been wanting to curl up and cry.  I have not quite been able to put my finger on the cause....  It is likely so many things adding up which these months are good for.  The talk of Christmas.  The decorations out in the stores.  The music playing already.  The emails that have been flooding my inbox advertising all the big sales.  It all makes me miss my little girl so much and the void feels greater during the holidays.  How I wish that sometimes I can just hide away until the chaos is over.  

The good thing is that I have made it a week without my facade crumbling in public.  Support group last weekend was such a blessing.  I cried more there this time than I had in quite some time.  I left exhausted and drained, but feeling better after sharing with others who are experiencing the same things.  For five years we have been going to these meetings.  Five years and I still don't know when the holidays will be filled with only joy again.  Five years and I still look forward to each group meeting for some sort of healing.  

Both girls made memory rocks in their groups.  Elly also made a doll and filled a glove with play dough, both of which were to help with their feelings.  There were enough older siblings that Mady was able to be broke out into that group which she really enjoys.    

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