Abrielle Neff Foundation: love you

Thursday, October 22, 2009

love you

I am really liking participating in the challenges at GoodGriefBlog as they are keeping me motivated to scrap in my Memory album, albeit that some of the challenges are hard to do. The current challenge is "Have A Conversation" and I found it to be a tough one for several reasons. I "talk" to my Abby every day, multiple times a day, so what would I say in a letter. Secondly, when I arrived at CMH that day, Abby was out of surgery and the news had already been given that she would not be able to survive her injuries. I was able to hold her hand and tell her how much I loved her, how much we would all miss her, but that I wanted her to go to Heaven where she could still run and play. I made her a promise that she would never be forgotten. Here is my layout for the challenge~

The picture is from October 2006 when we were carving pumpkins. I love this one of her and JackJack. The heart I masked and sprayed with a glimmer mist to try to give it a bleeding heart effect. My letter to Abby is in the envelope sticking out from behind her picture. Here is what it says~

To My Princess
Can you see how much Mommy loves you and misses you every day as you look down from Heaven? I sure hope you can because there is no way for me to put it into words for you to understand other than to say that I have a great big owie that no Band-Aid can fix. Mommy’s doing the best she can right now and I am not letting anyone forget you. I hope you can see the smiles on other kids’ faces because of you.
I know I tell you all the time, but I have to tell you again that I am sorry that you had to go to Heaven instead of me. I tried my best to keep us all here. I’m sorry.
How I wish I could have held you one last time that day and rocked you in my arms. How I wish for one more hug and one more kiss. How I wish for one more giggle and one more “I love you Mommy”. I know that Mommy tells you every day, but I love you so much. There will always be that spot in my heart just for you.
Until I get to see you again, I will keep telling you every day ~ LOVE YOU!
Mommy

3 comments:

JenniferOctober 22, 2009 at 9:45 AM
Wow - your journaling made me tear up. I love the masked heart, and the picture of your sweet Abby is precious.
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AnonymousOctober 22, 2009 at 1:20 PM
That was beautiful Brenda. My heart aches for you~I am so sorry.

She knows how much you love her that I am sure.

I will keep on praying for you
hugs, Darla
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AmandaOctober 26, 2009 at 1:03 AM
Brenda, I should remember to keep the kleenex nearby when I read your journaling. Losing a child...I can't even imagine...and when I do, it just breaks my heart. Many, many hugs to you!! This is beautiful.
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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.