Tuesday, November 24, 2009

It Hit Me

Sunday I was dragged along to go Christmas shopping by Jeanette, Wendy, and Teresa (thanks girls:) in Kansas City. This is actually the best way to get me to go shopping, otherwise I would just keep putting it off. I had the mind set that I was not going to let things bother me as I went about the stores. Good plan, but it didn't work like I had hoped. We pretty well stayed together in Toys R Us, which I think helped keep me distracted. Yes, I did see some things and think about Abby, such as the V-Smile display, but no tears. I was feeling proud of myself, thinking I had conquered the hardest store on the trip, but I was wrong. Our next stop proved to me that I can only hold things in for so long.

We went to Gordman's. This sure doesn't sound like a store that should make me upset, since it's not a children's store, but I was physically ill in here. I went in my own direction, sharing a cart with Teresa. At first I was shopping and looking at things like normal, nothing bringing up memories for me. But as I ventured over to the Mady's clothes, my stomach began to feel queasy. I thought that maybe I was just needing something to eat and went on towards Elly's section. Elly's clothes are now on the same rack as the size that Abby was wearing. I noticed and caught a couple of tears. Then it hit me. I knew I was not going to be able to pass off the feeling as hunger much longer. I found Teresa several aisles over, handed off the cart, and made a dash for the bathroom. I could not believe I was throwing up in the store. I really was not sure what was wrong. Could I be coming down with the flu? As I stood in the stall for a minute, I realized why my stomach was acting this way. This was my first trip back to this store since we lost Abby. This might sound odd, but this has to be the cause. In March of 2007, Steph and I went to KC to watch the Extreme Home Makeover house being built. While we were there, we did some shopping, with Gordman's being one of the stops. There I purchased several outfits for the girls for the spring weather we were having and a few summer things. Abby's hang in her closet, tags attached, never worn.

Everything in between the bumble bee costume and the light blue shirt are purchases I made that day. Still hanging and waiting.

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