Abrielle Neff Foundation: Abby's Room

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Abby's Room

The day I entered Abby's room to find clothes, I was joined by the girls. I am usually in the room alone the whole time I am in there, but not this time. I had been sitting on the floor in the middle of her room, taking in all of her possessions still waiting for her, when I heard Mady calling. I answered, but she did not know where my voice was coming from, so I opened the door. She said, "Oh, you're in Abby's room." in a surprised voice. She came in too and rubbed on my back. As she was entering the room, I could hear little footsteps running in our direction. Elly rounded the hallway towards our bedroom, running right past Abby's room since she has never seen it open. I spoke her name, making her stop and spin around to find me. She said, "What's in there?" and came running. I immediately scooped her up and held her to prevent her from touching all the fun things. "I want that baby," was her first request for a toy, followed by many more. I tried to explain to her that it was Abby's room and her toys. She stopped fighting to get out of my arms then, looked at me and the tears running down my face, and was content to just look around the room, pointing out each little thing she saw. "That's Abby's duckie." "Abby has a Princess dress!" "Is that Abby's baby?" In her almost three years, she had never seen the door open, much less all the fun stuff kept behind it. We left the room together, not disturbing anything, except for the dirty laundry in her hamper I always try to inhale as much of her scent from, locking the door behind us.

3 comments:

Jenni HalleyMarch 18, 2010 at 9:37 PM
I had sorted some specific clothes of Brian's. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with everything, still thinking I would box it up and not feel pressured to get rid of anything. He died in March, we moved in July. Moving day was a buzz, and I stepped into my room and into the closet to grab something, and I just froze. Everything was gone, I mean everything. My clothes were gone, his clothes were gone. I was very angry because some good intentioned family just moved all the clothes. I was thinking, hello, he is dead. You just moved a dead guys clothes! And I wanted to have complete control over what parts of my new house involved Brian. Yet when I got to the new house, my big walk-in closet had all of my clothes hanging on one side, and all of Brian's hanging on the other side. Again, I was mad. I felt like everyone forgot that he was the last one to hang those clothes like that at the old house, and why in the heck did they need to be here now? Now, 2 years later, I have found that I like having his clothes hanging in my closet. I have worn a few things around the house. In hindsight, I'm not sure I'm glad the clothes got moved because it got me off the hook of making any decisions, but on the other hand, I love the familiarity of him being near me. No idea what I am going to do now that I am moving again...

Long story, sorry. Just know that they are her things, and you can do with them whatever you choose.
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Jodi WileyMarch 21, 2010 at 4:49 PM
Girl, my heart goes out to you. You have gone through so much and then continuing in your everyday life for the sake of your other two daughters. I can't imagine how hard it is. Losing Jake is a hurt I'll never be without, but Jaci and I were able to draw on each other for strength. As for Abby's room...it's fine the way it is and I know what you mean about the scent thing. March 24th Jake will have been gone 5 years and I still try to smell his scent off clothes or his pillow. I think it's still there,if not it's in my memory and that's good enough for me.
Love you and know I'm here for you.
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scrapwordsmomMarch 22, 2010 at 11:47 AM
Brenda, this was a beautiful post. Thanks for sharing.

Miss seeing you!!

Les
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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.