Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Just Clothes, Right?

So, the day I have been dreading has arrived ~ Elly needs clothes from Abby's room. I knew it would happen soon, but was not sure what I would do. As we were working on getting things ready for our trip, I started trying to find warm weather clothes for Elly, some of which were still in her closet and dresser. After only finding a few items, I went to the basement to pull out the tubs of clothes. As I looked at the tags on the clothing in the tubs, I felt my stomach drop as I realized where the spring clothes that I needed were. I remembered that the weather was warming up and I had pulled shorts and capris out of the tubs in the basement for her to wear just weeks before the accident. I decided that I had to look, just to verify that what I needed was not hidden somewhere else in the storage room. I entered Abby's room (which I still can't do very often) and couldn't bring myself to open her dresser drawers. It was just the fact that her little hands were the last to touch the things in there when she put them away three years ago. I found several shirts and shorts in plain sight, folded neatly on her Little Tykes table, waiting for me to clean the winter articles out of her room. More was laying folded on her bed. These were from the laundry room, washed just days after the accident by one of the family members helping us. We couldn't bear to put them where they needed to go, so that is where they still lay. The little sizes I needed were there, out in the open. I wouldn't have to open any drawers or closets. I could just take theses for Elly. But I couldn't. No matter how I reasoned with myself, I couldn't do it. I kept thinking, "If she was still here, Elly would be wearing them." But she's not and I can't bring myself to take them out of her room. Is this strange for me to want to keep her room as a shrine, so to speak? Is it wrong of me to be so possessive of her things? Afterall, they are just things and clothes, right?


  1. Oh Brenda, my heart goes out to you,NO~~ it isnt wrong! you do what you feel is best, there is no right or wrong answer, its what feels best for you.

    sending you some big warm hugs, Darla

  2. Grieving has no right or wrong. When your heart and stomach tell you it's okay then you will do the things that once were impossible. My heart aches for you.

  3. How hard it must have been for you. This is my first time reading your blog (I'm from Katrina's class) and I'm just overwhelmed by what you must have gone through and what you still go through. What a tragedy. There are just no words. I'm off to look at your foundation website. Take care.