Wednesday, January 21, 2009

No Escaping the Memories

No matter what I try, I am still not able to separate someone elses traffic accident from my own. I was the second car at the stop sign on South Avenue on Friday night, waiting to pull out onto the bypass, when the car in front of me pulled out in front of another car. I just sat there watching everything like it was in slow motion, unable to move. I finally came to my senses and dialled 911. Thankfully no one appeared to be injured and I finally pulled out around the accident. The noise is what bothered me the most. It was like as soon as I heard that sound, my brain immediately transported me back to that tragic day. It felt like that same helpless feeling as I sat there in a trance, knowing I needed to help (or call for help) and not able to move. I choked back the tears as I drove home and tried to push the memory out of my head. I was so thankful that Mady was not with me because I try so hard to make her believe that accidents don't happen very often (to help her feel safe) that watching one is not what she would need. I feel like she is doing better as time goes on. She will sit by the door in the vehicle sometimes now without freaking out like before. I have fixed her hair a couple of times since school started and she has tried to on her own a few times too. I do catch her talking to Abby's pictures in the hallway, kissing her finger and placing it on Abby's cheek. She asked to keep Ripley (Abby's teddy bear) in her room to sleep with, which I agreed to (partly because I didn't want to go back into Abby's room to put him away). I know she still misses her sister, as we all do, but am glad to see parts of my Mady coming back to life.

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