Tuesday, May 19, 2009

The Firsts Are The Worst

I have to admit that just when we think we have experienced all the firsts without our Abrielle, another one comes up and it brings me to tears. This weekend was another one of those firsts for us. We took a trip to the Omaha Zoo, where we met my sisters. The last time we all went together was in the summer of 2006 with our Abby still here with us. I had a sneak peak of my emotions when I picked Mady up from school as the Kindergarten class (Abby's classmates) was returning from their zoo trip. My little girl should have been on that bus. I should have been there chaperoning those lively kindergartners, just as I did with Mady. I saw her friends running to meet their waiting parents, anxious to tell them about their day's experience. Tears flowed as I pulled away from the school. This weekend was no different. We had this trip planned weeks before and I was not backing out and depriving my girls just because of my emotions. So, we went, me with only a few hours of sleep as I tossed and turned worse than usual, knowing our "family" outing would be incomplete. No tears at the zoo, as we enjoyed the amazement of our little Elly as she saw the animals for the first time. It was never out of my mind though that there was one hand that I should be holding, one more little girl I should be trying to keep up with, one more excited voice that was not there. It was painfully obvious that our Abrielle was missing.

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