Thursday, May 7, 2009

Tears With Our Smiles

Two years ago today our lives were blessed with a healthy little "Elly" Helen Christine. The day was so bittersweet for us. I had been so afraid that there would be something wrong with her when she made her entrance into the world. How could she, after sustaining such trauma in the womb, be unharmed. I am not sure what I was expecting, but was just fearful that she would not survive for some reason too. I was also so afraid to even look at our new little girl. We had gone as a family for a 4D ultrasound in February (so, yes, Abby got to see her baby sister) and knew she looked just like her big sister Abrielle. From her tiny nose and dainty features, to her head full of dark hair, she favored Abby's looks.
I was not sure how I would be able to handle that added heartache. When Elly arrived, it was a mixture of joy and sadness. I don't want anyone to think for a second that I don't love my Elly with all there is in me, because I do, but when she was placed in my arms, I felt like God had just given me a consolation prize. I felt like he took my Abby that I had 4 years of love and care invested in and gave me a brand new life to start over with. She wasn't my Abby and that was all I wanted at that point. I was filled with such heartache that it took me a while to realize that God had blessed me with a healthy Elly to help fill the void in my heart. Not that Elly could ever replace Abby, but that she could fill my arms, as I longed to have a little person snuggled in close again. She was given to me to give me a reason to get out of bed in the mornings. She was and is a blessing from God.

1 comment:

  1. Happy Birthday Elly! Elly will never replace our Abby. She is her own little angel that we get to enjoy. Abby would of loved her!