Abrielle Neff Foundation: A Different Countdown

Sunday, June 21, 2009

A Different Countdown

I have posted two comments on last Friday's post (the 12th) for all to read. These comments state "Countdown until Ryan Sundermann is released from prison.......3 years! Whoohoo!" I am sure his family will be glad to have him released from behind prison bars so that they may once again be a family and do family things. I am sure they wish they had him there for holidays, special occasions, and just in normal everyday life. We, the victims of his crime, would love to have our Abby back home with us too. We wish we could have some sort of "countdown" until we could hug our little girl again. We are not as lucky as Ryan Sundermann's family. Our time without our Abrielle is determined by God and not by the justice system. When we talk to our daughter, we cannot hear her voice. We cannot hear her laugh, cry, or even breathe. When I want to to hold my little girl, I cannot. The only way I can touch her hand is by the mold CMH made us. I can only run my fingers through her hair by the locks that were saved for us before the funeral. When we go to visit our daughter, we can not physically see her. Instead we see the impression in the grass from where she lies beneath. The only way I can see her beautiful smiling face is by looking at pictures. In 3 years we will still be missing our Abrielle in Heaven, that will not have changed. We will miss our little girl until we are able to see her again.

I would also like to make it known that we want this blog to focus on the Foundation ~ the good things that it is doing, the kids it is helping, the needs it is fulfilling, and the lives being touched. We want this blog to honor our daughter's spirit and memory. We want good to come from this tragedy that has happened to our family. We will sometimes share heartache and tears on this blog with you in the hopes that maybe it will help others understand the pain of losing a child and in the hopes it helps ease our own suffering. We do not (and have never wanted) this blog to focus on Ryan Sundermann. So, to those who seem to think otherwise, please stop causing the gash in my heart to bleed even more than it normally does. Instead, join us in making good come from this.

14 comments:

AnonymousJune 22, 2009 at 9:01 AM
Brenda,
I don't know you well, but I hear about you so much through my friends Jenni H. and Shannon H. I'm so, so very sorry that someone would do that to you. Know that there are hundreds, perhaps thousands of us who are so thrilled that you have turned your grief into the wonderful actions of the Foundation. Keep doing your amazing work.

Jill Baker
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AnonymousJune 22, 2009 at 9:17 AM
I cannot believe anyone who has a heart would be able to write these comments down on paper but especially on this blog. Shame on whomever did this and I hope you get some help for your lack of feelings for this family that has already suffered so much and for your lack of character.
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UnknownJune 22, 2009 at 1:35 PM
I am SO SO sorry anyone would try to hurt you in anyway,, my god you have been through enough~!!!

Saying prayers for you and your family and sending big hugs, thank you for all you are doing with this wonderful foundation, and that is the focus, not him~!!!!Love, your friend, Darla Rauch
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AnonymousJune 22, 2009 at 2:28 PM
It is only because of some of the comments made by Mrs. Neff that we even bring Ryan's name into this blog.She constantly makes hints of Ryan in her blogs. So we think it's only fair to respond those remarks she makes about our friend and that people should know that he is not the person she makes him out to be. Friends of the Sundermanns
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AnonymousJune 22, 2009 at 3:56 PM
How dare you celebrate his release. This is a cruel way for you to hurt this family who has already suffered enough. The Neff family has every right to be angered at what has happened to their family.
I don't know any of you but I cannot believe that any human would try and attack the Neff family. If you don't like what she blogs, then stay off her blog..simple as that.
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AnonymousJune 22, 2009 at 4:42 PM
I'm so sorry that the "friends" of the Sundermanns feel his "name is hinted at" on this blog, but really wasn't his actions (drinking while driving in which he was prosecuted for MULTIPLE times before March 29,2007 and causing the accident that day) the whole reason this blog and Foundation are even in exsistence? If you don't like it...tough!!! I am amazed that the Neffs have turned their grief into a wonderful gift to the area's children. Can the Sundermanns tell me how Ryan has contributed to mankind??? Seriously, you people need a life if you are focusing on this. Get Real!!!
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AnonymousJune 22, 2009 at 5:13 PM
It is very sad to me that the Sundermann family and friends of the Sundermann family have still yet to open their eyes to the damage and heartache Ryan Sundermann has caused. As if losing your daughter wasn't painful and hard enough. But, they continue to throw it in your face. That is just horrible. I do not feel that your blog harbors any untruths about Ryan Sundermann and if his family/friends do not like what you write then they need to not read it. I pray that you find peace in such hurtful words and that Ryan Sundermann's family can accept his wrong doings. They are only enabling him which will not help him when he eventually does get released. God bless you and your family.
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AnonymousJune 22, 2009 at 5:57 PM
Hey Friends of the Sundermanns, you need to do your homework. The last post prior to today with Ryan Sundermann's name in it was January 8, 2009. In fact, Brenda has only referred to him 20 times since late August 2008. How constantly hinting is that again? Do you truly believe this family wants to remember him? No!!! All of you should rethink your beliefs on fairness and judgement, the real constant reminder is who Marc, Brenda, Mady & Elly are living without everyday for the rest of their lives.
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AnonymousJune 22, 2009 at 8:42 PM
One quick question, how does posting two comments such as "Countdown until Ryan Sundermann is released from prison.......3 years! Whoohoo!" by the Sundermann family/friends tell his side of the story? It seems to me, you are just looking to hurt the Neff family and friends. Find somewhere else to post your garbage.
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AnonymousJune 23, 2009 at 12:46 AM
If this blog is supposed to just inform people about the foundation, then so be it. Mrs. Neff should not keep informing everyone about her bad days and victim scrapbook. She should leave it to when they get donations, help people, bagging, etc.... I think that Mrs. Neff set herself up for this kind of hurt. Yes, the foundation does do many wonderful things and only those things should be put on this blog.
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AnonymousJune 23, 2009 at 8:17 AM
So who are you to decide what she should post? There is only one fact you seem to keep forgetting...it is HER blog to post what she wants. She has even been open-minded enough to post what you have written when she could of simply deleted it. As others have written, don't get on her blog if you don't like it. What are you trying to gain by commenting your mean-spirited thoughts? And just to let you know, there are lots of us who ask her to post the scrapbooking pictures and her feelings on bad days.
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AnonymousJune 23, 2009 at 8:34 AM
This is ridiculous how this is going back and forth!!! I believe this blog helps my sister express her feeling along with inform others of this foundation. If anyone has a problem with it, go find something better to do! Lots of people have blogs and its their blog no one tells them what they can and can not post. So if you have a problem with it stay out of our lives that is way we would of liked it on March 29th so we wouldnt even be having to deal with this! I know he is your friend and you support him but dont rub things in our face like why dont you turn the tables for once and put yourself in our shoes and see how that would make you feel!Dont keep fighting his innocense there is a reason he is the one in prison! I feel immature for even writing this comment i feel like it is childish this is even going on this back and forth defending! PLEASE stop whoever you are posting this rubbish! I am not afraid to post my name- Becci
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AnonymousJune 23, 2009 at 8:53 AM
This blog is also an escape for Brenda to release her feelings of grief. Everyone has different ways of expressing thier grief and if this blog helps Brenda. If you don't like what she has posted then don't read it. My son was good friends with Abby and he was only 4 when she died. I like to read the pages about Abby's life so that we can remember her. He is also still grieving and looking at the pictures of how he remembers her helps him through his grieving process. I agree with Becci on stoppig the posting of the rubbish. Let the Neff family grieve. -The Daniels Family
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UnknownJune 23, 2009 at 9:52 AM
you so believe in him that you will put your name on it~ Anonymous you~~ this is so crazy~ and it makes me so mad~ dont read her blog and you will not know what she is writing~ leave the Neff Family alone~! period, the end!! Darla Rauch
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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.