Abrielle Neff Foundation: The Struggle Has Begun...

Thursday, March 12, 2009

The Struggle Has Begun...

I was hoping that somehow Abby's second Heavenly Birthday would be easier than the first, but it doesn't appear it's going to be. It seems as that fateful day draws closer, I am having to fight harder to ward off the depression and maintain my composure. The mask that keeps my emotions hidden feels too heavy to put on some days and it would be so much easier to just stay in bed and let the day go on without my input. As much as I want to, I can't. My other two girls need a Mommy to take care of them and not a blob under the covers. It might seem strange to some that it is a battle to put your feet on the floor each morning, but that is what depression and grief do to you. I am winning that one, as I am getting up each day, going to work, and trying to handle the other normal daily occurrences. But there are other struggles I am not winning yet. It seems my mind is in a fog. I struggle to remember things and have difficulty concentrating. I am trying to stay busy to ward off these issues, but that's not working yet. The sleepless nights are returning along with the vivid flashbacks. The tears, loss of appetite and muscle tension are here. I am not telling this to receive any type of sympathy, just want everyone to be aware for two reasons. One is because I am obviously not myself, so please bear with me if I seem distant or forget something. It is nothing personal by any means. It is just my internal battle. The second reason is because I want to make everyone aware that grief is not gone after almost two years. Society leads everyone to believe that there is a set time frame to grieve and after that you are healed. That is not so, as I am discovering. I was hoping the one year mark was going to be that magical day, but when I woke up one year and one day after losing Abby, the hurt was still the same. I am not sure when it eases up, but I hope that someday soon I finally begin to experience some sort of relief from the daily pain of losing my little girl. As the 29th approaches, please keep our family in your prayers. And please pray for the Halley family as they experience Brian's first Heavenly Birthday.

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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.