As this day begins to draw to a close, the pain in my heart still has not lessened. But how could it when I just kissed and tucked 2 girls into bed instead of 3. How could it when we had to visit our middle child at a cemetery and kiss her pictures. How could this pain lessen when I would still do anything to trade places with my Abrielle.
When I awoke this morning, it was like a weight was on my chest and the tension in my neck was so tight I could hardly turn it. It felt like it was a chore to even get out of bed. I was glad to have Becci here because I knew Marc was feeling it too. It was as if there was an elephant in the room and no one wanted to acknowledge it. I choked down the tears until Elly came out with Abby's stocking hat and gloves. They were on our cedar chest from Christmas pictures 2 years ago and I just couldn't bring myself to put them away. That's when they started flowing. Later I spent some time in Abby's room, which I still can only bring myself to do maybe 3-4 times a year. I looked at pictures until they became unbearable and had worn myself out from too many tears. Beth came out later along with my parents, which was a nice distraction for all of us. This also gave Marc and I the chance to go see Abby just the two of us. On days like this when we take Mady, she's the one acting like the grown-up and consoling us. While the comforting is nice, I would rather she grieve too.
Some friends came by later, which was such a nice surprise. They knew better than to call first because they know me too well and I would have told them we were fine. We welcomed the company.
As we carried Elly upstairs to bed with her Pinky, she started squirming to get down. Marc put her down and she ran to get her other crocheted afghan that we have always called Greenie. I said, "You need Greenie too?" She grabbed it and said "Abby Blankie". This was the first time we have heard her call it that. In fact, she had never been too concerned if she had it to sleep with or not, just Pinky mattered. I do enjoy the messages from Heaven we get.
Thanks for all your prayers, comforting words, and support as we still mourn the loss of our precious Abrielle.