Monday, September 8, 2008

Emotional Torture

As everyone knows, I have been dealing with a lot lately between the start of school and now the whole parole issue. Now I have discovered new situations that make me cry (like I needed more). I absolutely love to see Abby's friends. I love that they still know me as Abrielle's Mom, but this Saturday I guess I was not quite prepared for seeing her classmates in soccer uniforms playing their first game. I did so good at Mady's game, hopefully no one could tell the hole in the pit of my stomach was getting bigger and I was doing my best to smile through the growing sadness. I know at baseball games this summer I avoided the little kids t-ball side the best I could, only going over to watch Cole, but the little fields are right next to the bigger one that Mady now plays on. I tried my best to avert my eyes, to just watch Mady, to stay involved in her game and in the conversations around me, but the sight of the new group of kindergartners out there kicking the ball around, running in herds as they played was just too much. Abrielle was our more outgoing and athletic child. She would have been in the middle of all the chaos of the soccer game, loving every minute of it. It seemed like torture to sit and watch, knowing my little soccer player is in Heaven because of the selfishness of Ryan Sundermann. (Oops, a little bit of anger coming out there...sorry) I have debated about even saying anything about this because I don't want to be treated like I have the plague like sometimes happens and I still want to see Abby's friends. Hopefully by the next soccer game I will be more emotionally prepared and the tears will stay away.

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