Abrielle Neff Foundation: I Have 3 Girls

Thursday, September 4, 2008

I Have 3 Girls

As most of you know from my statement in court, I have battled with how to answer the question of "How many kids do you have?" I have 3 ... but sometimes the explanation is too tough and 2 would be so much easier to say. When I took Elly for her 15 month checkup in the middle of August, we were not able to see Dr Watson (due to her broken foot) and had to see a nurse practitioner that did not know us. She started by asking if this was my first child to which I answered "No, she's my third." As she was going over things on a list with me, she asked if I had syrup of ipecac at home. I said no and she asked what the ages of my other children were, stating I may need it for them also. I responded by saying, "Mady is 8." She looked at me puzzled and said "I thought you said you had 3." I answered "I do have three. Mady is 8 and Elly is 15 months." The response was "That's 2." I started to well up with tears and finally said "I lost my Abrielle 17 months ago in a car accident." I guess she either recognized the name or felt bad for making me cry and just simply said "I'm sorry."
I have tried for 17 months now to figure out how to answer this question without tearing up, without making the person asking uncomfortable, and without leaving Abby out. I still don't know that I have the answer, but am thinking I may respond by saying I have 3 girls - Madyson is 8, Elly is 15 months, and an angel Abrielle who would be 5. I'm not sure if this will alleviate the issues or not. It will probably just open up more questioning, but I don't want my little girl forgotten and I cannot ignore the fact that we had her here for 9 weeks shy of 4 years. I am the Mom of 3 girls and I always will be.
I don't know how many of you say this back in June, but here a link to an editorial written by Jeff Schmucker at the Forum. It still brings me to tears each time I read it. He expressed one of my biggest fears...people will forget our little girl. This was truly heart-felt from someone who doesn't even know us, but called and volunteered his time to sit in the dunk tank at the Celebration. Thanks Jeff Schmucker, you are a kind person to say the least. http://www.maryvilledailyforum.com/opinions/editorials/x379977203
~Brenda

1 comment:

Jenni HalleySeptember 4, 2008 at 11:20 PM
You DO have 3 girls, and I think it is a great response to say you have an angel, or that one of your girls is in Heaven...

And in my mind, I know she is in Heaven with other daddies like Brian who can't be here with their own children, but can take care of each other until we meet again someday.
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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.