Thursday, September 18, 2008

How Close is Heaven?

Foggy mornings always make Mady talk about Heaven. She associates Heaven with the clouds. On these mornings she says, Abby's here. She thinks the low fog clouds mean Heaven is touching Earth. Maybe it is. I have never doubted anything she says, never corrected anything to my beliefs. It seems the innocence of childhood allows her and Elly to see and understand things that my mind has learned are impossible. Mady talks to Abby and says Abby talks to her when the wind blows. She has said this since day one and continues to believe it today. My only response when she asks if I can hear her is, Maybe when Mommy's not so sad she can hear her too. I would love to hear my little girl's voice again and would love to believe this is somehow possible before getting to Heaven myself. Elly says Abby and knows her picture, but I was caught off guard last Friday on our way home. I was mentally preparing myself to attend visitation for Elliott Reed and was telling Mady that we would be taking them to Aunt Tammy's when Elly started talking. I asked Mady if there was a puppy outside because that's what it sounded like at first. No, no puppy. Elly was looking up and kept saying the word softly over and over. I asked, What's she saying? She's saying Abby, is what Mady said. Abby? Why is she saying Abby? There's no picture back there for her to see. None of us had on our Foundation shirts. Abby must be in the clouds, Mady said as she too joined Elly in looking up to the sky. The tone in Mady's voice was not of excitement like she hadn't seen or heard from her sister. Instead it was just like it was a normal occurrence. This has not been our first cloud experience, but the first for Elly. Mady has seen pictures in the sky, shapes in the clouds, that have looked like Abby's artwork and her letter A and has shown them to me. I must admit that even I (doubting Thomas) could see them. So I guess I would love to have a child's mind sometimes so that I too could see. I am just wondering, how close is Heaven?


  1. My heart breaks for you everyday. I look at Abby's pictures on the website and I imagine my Taylor in her place. I can never say that I know how you feel...but the heart breaks for you. I would be lost in this world here on earth and I think I would be constantly wanting to join my angel in the heavenly world. I admire your strength. You are such a wonderful mom (to 3 wonderful daughters). I'm sure that Abby is constantly in the clouds and wind and other things, she is still in your lives and those things are your reminders that she will always be in your everyday life here on earth. You have made me a better mom...thank you.

    Amber Thompson

  2. What a wonderful story to hear Mady talk about Abby. A child's mind is a wonderful thing. Maybe we should be taking lessons from them. To look and hear for the simple things. My heart breaks for all of you.

    We love you,

    Aunt Laura

  3. How close is heaven I love your post! An old Indian friend of mne told me once when I was grieving for my grandpa ( who was like my dad) that heaven is closer than you think and you can hear the wispers of your ancestors in the wind by a river if you are still and ready to listen.
    I have since on a nice summer day gone down to the river and I sit by myslef and it may seem silly but I talk to my grandpa and every ow and again I can hear him tell me it's gonna be alright. and when I sit there it's as if I can almost smell him.
    So maybe just maybe he is right and Heaven is closer than we think