Monday, September 22, 2008


I know it's to be expected, but I did not realize the emotional trauma I have experienced would have me reliving everything at such odd instances. Friday there was an accident on 148 in which a man crossed the center line and was killed. The other couple were both life flighted. The couple in the truck were on their way to pick up horse feed from us at COOP. As I went to pick up Elly at daycare, they were bringing the vehicles into the lot right next door, so I saw the van and the pickup. I didn't think that bothered me at the time. It wasn't until I drove past the spot of the accident on 148 on my way home that the flashbacks started. I'm not sure what exactly caused it. Maybe the skid marks or maybe the broken glass, I don't really know. It was just as if someone started playing that tape in my mind and I kept hearing the horrific noises of the crash. I tried to stop the images but they just flooded back. I broke down and cried all the way home. To make it worse, Mississippi Girl came on the radio. (I was glad Mady had soccer practice.) At home I let Elly play outside and I just sat there and cried. I just thought that it was so strange to be affected by someone else's accident like that. I know I will never be able to shake the images from my head, but I just hope that someday the replay button quits working.


  1. Your not alone with the replay button. Anything that reminds me of ABBY pushes a button with me and the whole day is replayed in my head. It could be a song, and outfit, just another little kids mannerisms, or anything that she would say. Even a movies anymore when someone dies I start crying when before i never used to get emotional over something like that on a movie. But it makes me think of that day and how all our lives have changed since that day when it still feels like yesterday but it has been a year and a half. I think it will always just feel like yesterday. You are not alone with the replay button and flashbacks. I just wish they were happy ones instead of the bad ones.

  2. Just wanted to let you know I am praying for you and hoping one day the rewind button does stop working! For now though, I believe in my own grief, that our minds keep rewinding to remind us, to help our subconscious some how wrap itself around the loss that can't be understood or explained away. I wish for your mind and heart to be filled with many more cloud moments and that the horrors of losing Abby will someday be tucked away in your mind, and you can just be filled with love.

    Until then, keep crying when you want to and keep your head up.