Abrielle Neff Foundation: Trauma

Monday, September 22, 2008

Trauma

I know it's to be expected, but I did not realize the emotional trauma I have experienced would have me reliving everything at such odd instances. Friday there was an accident on 148 in which a man crossed the center line and was killed. The other couple were both life flighted. The couple in the truck were on their way to pick up horse feed from us at COOP. As I went to pick up Elly at daycare, they were bringing the vehicles into the lot right next door, so I saw the van and the pickup. I didn't think that bothered me at the time. It wasn't until I drove past the spot of the accident on 148 on my way home that the flashbacks started. I'm not sure what exactly caused it. Maybe the skid marks or maybe the broken glass, I don't really know. It was just as if someone started playing that tape in my mind and I kept hearing the horrific noises of the crash. I tried to stop the images but they just flooded back. I broke down and cried all the way home. To make it worse, Mississippi Girl came on the radio. (I was glad Mady had soccer practice.) At home I let Elly play outside and I just sat there and cried. I just thought that it was so strange to be affected by someone else's accident like that. I know I will never be able to shake the images from my head, but I just hope that someday the replay button quits working.
~Brenda

2 comments:

AnonymousSeptember 22, 2008 at 5:03 PM
Your not alone with the replay button. Anything that reminds me of ABBY pushes a button with me and the whole day is replayed in my head. It could be a song, and outfit, just another little kids mannerisms, or anything that she would say. Even a movies anymore when someone dies I start crying when before i never used to get emotional over something like that on a movie. But it makes me think of that day and how all our lives have changed since that day when it still feels like yesterday but it has been a year and a half. I think it will always just feel like yesterday. You are not alone with the replay button and flashbacks. I just wish they were happy ones instead of the bad ones.
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Jenni HalleySeptember 22, 2008 at 10:14 PM
Just wanted to let you know I am praying for you and hoping one day the rewind button does stop working! For now though, I believe in my own grief, that our minds keep rewinding to remind us, to help our subconscious some how wrap itself around the loss that can't be understood or explained away. I wish for your mind and heart to be filled with many more cloud moments and that the horrors of losing Abby will someday be tucked away in your mind, and you can just be filled with love.

Until then, keep crying when you want to and keep your head up.

Jenni
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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.