Friday, November 7, 2008

Statement in Progress

I have had to start putting my thoughts in order since the parole hearing is basically a month away. It took me quite a while to write my statement for the courts the first time. I started by just putting thoughts and feelings down, not sure exactly what I wanted to say. I changed my whole concept multiple times before I came up with what I read in court. At first I wanted to share our whole tragic day from start to finish so Ryan Sundermann would hear the pain inflicted on all of us. I scrapped that and went to writing about our lives with Abrielle because I wanted people to know her. I decided this was not what I should do either and finally came up with what I tearfully read in front of everyone. Here is the link to what the paper published and it's pretty accurate. So, since this is part of the case record, I have to start all over with a new statement. The parole board will have the first statement to read as part of his record. The good news is they will see my request to have a picture of Abrielle in his cell and can make a decision on that since the judge didn't. I have found a quote from Mark Twain that describes our grief quite well. He lost a daughter to meningitis and said, "Losing a child is like your house burning down. At first you're crushed by the calamity that the house is gone. And then, over the months and years to follow, you remember all the precious and irreplaceable things that were found only in that house. The ripples of grief stretch out of sight." This may even end up in my statement somewhere. It is just so true. We received a letter in the mail giving us instructions for the parole hearing and a map of the facility. Just seemed to make it that much more real that he could get out and be free to live his life while ours is still full of grief for our little girl he selfishly stole from us. I'd better end now, because I can sense the anger coming out and that's not what I want on here even though that is still an emotion we have to deal with.

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