Abrielle Neff Foundation: Forgiveness ....?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Forgiveness ....?

I usually don't post on weekends because I try to keep it for family time, but this weekend I thought I needed to post what we received. As one of the stipulations of our settlement in the civil suit, we receive a check for $1 every month from Ryan Sundermann to the Foundation. The whole point of this so that he cannot forget. It forces him to write her name every month. So when anyone sees that we are to get "millions" in settlement, this is actually all we get....$1 per month for the rest of his life to the Foundation. Obviously right now his mom sends it us. Friday night we received our check enclosed in a Christmas card with a letter. Here's what it said,
"May you find peace within your heart this season - the season of love and forgiveness. I forgive you for the lies you told about my son at the parole hearing. May you seek the truth within your heart and come to an understanding with it. Brenda, you can not begin to feel or know what I am going through as you said at the parole hearing. As for me I know the grief you are feeling as I too have lost a child way too soon. But you can't fixate on that day or that time. You have to move pass that and look to the future. You have to enjoy what is around you and not what could have been. I pray that someday you are able to do that."
I am not even going to post my thoughts and feelings about this letter. Just draw your own conclusions.

5 comments:

AnonymousDecember 22, 2008 at 7:35 AM
She infuriates me to no end!!
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AnonymousDecember 22, 2008 at 10:50 AM
I am so sorry that you have to endure things like this. Yes, may you have some peace during the holiday season...peace with your family...not peace and forgiveness for him. May he stay out of your thoughts as you spend time with your family. I continue to pray for you all. Amber
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AnonymousDecember 22, 2008 at 1:47 PM
That is so wrong!!! I also wish you peace but that letter was totally uncalled for and very, very wrong!!!
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AnonymousDecember 22, 2008 at 8:46 PM
God bless your hearts for having to receive such hurtful words...especially at an already difficult time of year! Know that those words come from a bitter, hateful woman who is obviously too selfish to realize the loss you all have had to endure. As difficult as it may be, may you find comfort in the love of family and friends this holiday season. Merry Christmas!
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Jenni HalleyDecember 22, 2008 at 11:20 PM
You know, I read this and was seething with that feeling of hatred. Then I thought, let her say whatever, you know the truth, and God knows the truth, and that is all that matters. I am sorry she lashed out at you though, especially when things have been so hard lately anyway. Keep your head up.
Jenni
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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.