Abrielle Neff Foundation: Celebration of Life Memorial Service

Monday, October 6, 2008

Celebration of Life Memorial Service

Don't weep at my grave

For I am not there,

I've a date with a butterfly

To dance in the air.

I'll be singing in the sunshine,

Wild and free,

Playing tag with the wind,

While I'm waiting for thee.

The CMH Celebration of Life Memorial Service is super tough for us. I had to fight back tears from the moment we got there. You enter the third floor to butterfly balloons and are asked to sign a guest book with your name and the name of the child you are remembering. Then we make name tags to wear with Abrielle's name on them so everyone knows who you are there for. We pick up our butterfly which Mady was in charge of. It kept peeking out at her during the service. We then got to leave a message on a leaf on a memorial tree that is kept up all year at the hospital. As we enter the auditorium, pictures of children are being shown on the screen, including our Abby. It's tough to see your little girl up there. Some kids it was obvious that they had some sort of medical issue they were not able to overcome, while others were just born too soon. But others, like our Abby, looked perfectly healthy, making me wonder what happened to them, what's their story.

To the right are the memorial quilt for 2001 and 2007. The quilts are displayed throughout the hospital for 5 years at which point they are retired and are kept in the chaplain's office. Our quilt was being dedicated and would go on display after the first of the year.

Our Abrielle is in the 4th row down, 3rd in from the left. I shared a picture of the block earlier. Here is Mady with Abby's quilt square. Sad that this is how I have to take their picture together now. She wore a shirt with butterflies all over it ~ how appropriate.

The service opens with a song written and performed by a RN at CMH titled "Playin' with Angels". It is a beautiful song, but I don't have the lyrics. I will try to get them and post them later. The service continues with one of the chaplains speaking, a litany of remembrance and a prayer. This is followed by the quilt dedication and Eric Clapton's "Tears in Heaven" being sung. The words seem to take on a different meaning for us now. (I'm leaving out just a little of the song.)

Would you know my name,

if I saw you in heaven?

Would it be the same,

if I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong

and carry on

'cause I know I don't belong

here in Heaven

Would you hold my hand,

if I saw you in heaven?

Would you help me stand,

if I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way

through night and day

'cause I know I just can't stay

here in heaven.

Time can bring you down

Time can bend you knees

Time can break your heart

Have you begging please

begging please

Behind the door

There's peace I'm sure

and I know there'll be no more

tears in heaven

Another chaplain then spoke, followed by another song that I had not heard. It is by the Dixie Chicks titled "Godspeed (Sweet Dreams)". It seemed more suited to a little boy, but plenty still applied to our Abby. (I'm leaving out just a little of the song)

Dragon tales and the water is wide

Pirates sail and lost boys fly

Fish bite moon beams every night

and I love you

Godspeed, little one

sweet dreams, little one

Oh, my love will fly

to you each night

on angel wings

Godspeed, sweet dreams

The rocket racer's all tuckered out

Superman's in pajamas on the couch

Goodnight moon, we'll find the mouse

and I love you

Godspeed, little one

Sweet dreams, little one

Oh, my love will fly

on angel wings

Godspeed, sweet dreams

God bless mommy and match box cars

God bless dad and thanks for the stars

God hears amen wherever we are

and I love you

The speakers were Chuck and Karin McCrary that lost their little girl at 8 1/2 months in 2003 to hypo plastic left heart syndrome. They shared their story with everyone and of course a few tears. We then released butterflies.

Not sure if you can see it or not, but the butterfly is just above her hand in her hair flying away.

The service was good for all of us and it got Mady to asking questions and she said she even shed a few tears which is a first for her. I will share more about this later since this post is really long.

"We did not lose our children, they died, taking with them our hopes and dreams for the future, but never, never taking away their love.

Though death comes, love will never go away. Hold it tight, the love our children gave us.

Hold it tight through the storms of grief and bring it with you into today. LOVE NEVER GOES AWAY... "

~Brenda

1 comment:

Brian and Cassi ReedOctober 6, 2008 at 5:06 PM
Brenda-
I guess no one has told us about the service or the quilt. Did they contact you to make a quilt block or did you have to call someone... I def. Want to make one for Elli. Also could you e-mail me your address, I found something I want to send to you it just screamed Abby when I saw it. My e-mail is cvmann5@hotmail.com

Love you guys

Brian Cassi and Angel Elli
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Our Story...

Abrielle came into this world in a hurry to get started, which gave us our first glimpse at her personality. Not waiting on Dr Jane to put on gloves, only a towel to catch her with, she weighed in at six pounds fifteen ounces. From the beginning Abby had reflux, but there seemed to more than just that as she failed to gain weight. At four months we were sent to draw all kinds of labs, hoping for a solution, but all was normal. By six months of age, the vomiting became worse, almost nightly. We were keeping records of every calorie she ate, every dirty diaper, and every time she vomited. By this time Abby was refusing to eat supper most nights and would throw up her undigested lunch after bathtime at 8:00. Her food was just sitting in her tummy all day. Dr Watson sent us to Omaha Childrens Hospital to Dr Zapata a pediatric gastroenterologist to help diagnois the problem. There, over the next year and a half of her life, Abby underwent testing, treatments, and outpatient procedures. During every procedure she was given a stuffed animal to hold for comfort, even though she had Blankie with her.
To make a long story short, after the accident we discovered St Francis Hospital did not have a program like this for kids and Abby's Hugs was born.

That Tragic Day...

Thursday, March 29, 2007, began like any other school day in our household with the only exception being that it was Abby's sharing day at preschool. We had a rule that if the sharing item was not picked out the night before (which it usually wasn't), Abby had to be ready for school before she could find something to take. This morning was just like most ... nothing was picked out the night before. She hurried faster than usual that way she would have time to find something. After brushing her teeth, she ran to her room to find some clothes. I always tried to give Abby choices, but she was down to her last clean pair of capris. I gave her the option of wearing those, a pair of Gymboree Fruit Punch capris with a bright yellow shirt or jeans and a purple kitty shirt. She decided on the capri outfit which she had actually rejected every other day that week. After getting dressed, she went into Sissy's room and was playing with her LeapPad when I found her. I asked her how she wanted her hair fixed and she said "little pony". (Not that she was going to leave it in anyway) I helped her onto the sink and she dug through her basket of hair things until she found a yellow one. We went into the living room so I could sit down to brush her hair. Since sitting on my lap was now impossible, Abby stood in front of me as I pulled her hair up with the little yellow hair tie. She ran to her room and began looking for something to bring for sharing. She came out with her Little People's Noah's Ark set stuffed full of extra toys. Being a mean Mommy, I said, You can only bring one toy. Aww, was the response as she took the ark back to her room to look for something else. I went on about my routine of making my lunch and everything else to be ready to leave for work. Mady and I headed out to the Expedition and Abby was not following behind. I went back inside to find her and Marc on their way from her room with her big "bobbycat" (bobcat skidloader) for sharing. They had been looking for the scoop that attaches to the front but ran out of time. They decided that just the bobbycat would work. Marc helped buckle Abby in her car seat. Because she was so small we still used the 5-point harness and not just the seatbelt so she required some help. As we left the house, Marc pulled out ahead of the girls and I onto the gravel road. Just around the first set of curves past our house, I slowed down so we could watch the turkeys fly across the road. I am not sure if Abby saw them or not, but she said she did. We continued on, oblivious to our fate that lie ahead.

last added to 10/29 ...this I will add to as I am able ...thanks for understanding.

The Sentence

On June 25, 2008, Ryan C Sundermann was sentenced to 6 years in the Missouri Department of Corrections on charges of involuntary manslaughter. Sundermann wrecklessly caused the death of Abrielle Neff in a motor vehicle collision on March 29, 2007. Sundermann was charged with failing to maintain proper control of his vehicle, failure to drive on the right half of the roadway and operated a motor vehicle after consuming alcohol.
Sundermann was previously convicted of Driving While Intoxicated and Failure to Drive on the Right Half of the Roadway on April 25, 2006 and sentenced to 2 years probation, 12 days in jail, and a $300 fine. On December 19, 2006, Sundermann was again convicted of Excessive Blood Alcohol Content-Prior Offender which he received a Suspended Execution of Sentence of 180 days, was continued on 2 years probation and received a fine.