Saturday, October 25, 2008

A Fall Cleaning

I finally forced myself to do something I have not done since we lost Mady clean her room. It seems like it should be no big deal, but it is. I have started several times, but have never been able to do the kind of cleaning her room needed. You know, the go through every toy, every item of clothing, to sort out the things that need new homes. The girls spent time playing in both their rooms together so, some of Abby's things were still in Mady's room. We found baby Annabelle's clothes and bottle, her Lucky Ducks game, her John Deere fishing game, along with a few other small things. Mady said "Abby left these things in my room before she died." I asked her if she would like to keep them in her room to play with, but she didn't. They were Abby's. So then I had the task of deciding what to do with them. I finally bit the bullet and put everything in a bag and put them in Abby's room. Needless to say there were lots of tears today, but I was able to remove a lot of stuff from Mady's room that either no longer fit or she no longer played with. Some may think this is something simple, something that should have been done long ago, but I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that since we had all kinds of legal stuff to deal with (and still do) that it seemed like we were having to relive everything every time we turned around. It was like our initial grief was being drug on even longer. Like we could not do some healing things until after the prison sentence and that was just June. I don't know when or if things become easier though. We just miss our little girl every day.

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